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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21336
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My boyfriend and i have been living together for nearly 2 years.

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend and i have been living together for nearly 2 years. He is a very hard working man and treats me well most of the time. However, he is very insecure about money. He earns twice as much as I do and expects me to pay just as much. I split the mortgage payments with him, but he has hardly any debt and I do. He also thinks that I baby my two grown children too much. I was a single Mom and had very little support from my ex-husband either emontional or financial. My children both turned out great. They both are college graduates and have good jobs. He seems to be jeoulos for some reason. He has an adopted daughter whom he has not seen in 2 years. He tried to make contact, and she ignore him, so I think this bothers him. His parents were also very poor when he was growing up. I care for him, but my patience as wearing thin because he makes comments about my kids and me not helping out more finacially. I want him to go see a Dr.and he won't , he is constantly tired.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

It sounds, from your description, like your boyfriend, due to his past, like not having a lot of money growing up, has caused this insecurity about money. While you are living together and usually, expenses are split down the middle, if you are struggling with debt, don't have as much money as he does, and he is able to shoulder more of the household expenses, there's no reason why he shouldn't do this.

It does sound as if he is jealous of the great job of parenting you did, as a single mom, and how great your kids turned out--Brava to you! The fact that his adopted daughter doesn't seem to want to stay in contact with him is very hurtful to him; he can't tell HER it's hurtful if she won't see/speak to him, so he turns his hurt toward you. It seems you understand this, but he doesn't, so if talking to him over and over about the same subjects does not seem to make a difference, I'm so glad you thought of suggesting he get in person professional help. It's too bad he refuses.

If he is constantly tired, he might be depressed and a doctor/counselor might recommend an anti-depressant medication to help him feel better and be less tired.

You'll have to weigh how much you care for him and how much you love your life with him, now, against how aggravated he's making you feel re: the financial situation and your role as a parent, and consider if you want to stay in this relationship, with him refusing help and refusing to change

I hope things improve in the future and work out well for you.

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