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Tina, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2
Experience:  Degree in Counseling- Sexual Abuse, Drug Abuse, and Relationships.
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Hi when I met my boyfriend seven years ago I thought he looked

Resolved Question:

Hi when I met my boyfriend seven years ago I thought he looked camp and thought he may be gay. As the years went on I found out that he had responded to an advert, met a guy who gave him oral sex. let him live in his flat and I didnt know. Let the guy tell his friends that he was his boyfriend and said what did it matter to him? Sometimes slept in the same bed and cuddled, not naked and said that he didnt want sex with him and the other guy didnt want sex either?? That they were just friends and I also found out he has been calling gay chat lines for six years and he says it isnt for sex. That he doesnt want to have sex with a man. He does admit to fancying some guys but does not weant to live with one or have sex with one. I think he is bi sexual but he gets angry when I suggest that. He is quite a shy guy and we get on very well but he opnly has a few friends and 2 of them are gay. Am I being stupid or is he in denial?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tina replied 8 years ago.

No, you are not being stupid or in any denial. It sounds to me that he is "toying" with the idea of being with another man. Maybe the desire is there but he is too scared/unsure to do anything about it. It is very possible that he is indeed bisexual. He will more than likely be uptight, get upset, angry, etc. talking about this with you and this is normal. Just give him space and time. If you have anymore questions/concerns then please contact me.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Toying? I am extremely upset that he cannot tell me the truth. I know you say in his own time but I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I do not hate him. I want him to be happy but he is a loner and I am supposedly his best friend. He gets so angry when I suggest that he is gay but all the facts point to it. What should I do? We share a house, a life and although sex has been good in the past the kissing part has always felt wrong. He watches gay videos I have found out and looks at gay porn. I do not want to spend anymore time letting him deny it - life is short but I cannot be his friend if he continues to lie. How do you think I should talk to him to mean that we remain friends and salvage something out of this?
Expert:  Tina replied 8 years ago.
Just make sure he understands that you will love him no matter what, that you forgive him, that you accept him, won't judge him, will always be there for him and that you want him to be happy. You can't stop him from lieing or from being who he is. He has got to decide to do this on his own. Simply point out to him the things that you do know "that he is doing and/or lieing about." He is probably having a hard time with this himself. In the end, you can't change him and you can't make him do anything. I hope this helps and I wish you the best.
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