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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I have been dating a woman for three years. We were engaged

Customer Question

I have been dating a woman for three years. We were engaged to be married in two weeks. I found out she had been lying about some things just recently and I postponed the wedding. I found out about more lies this past weekend. She has been caught in each of these lies. Now she has broken down and told me she is at her lowest point. Over the past couple of days she has been telling me how sorry she is and that she is going to seek therapy and try to get closer to God. She has talked to my mother and confessed to the lies. Today she talked for an hour with a local priest. She attended an online bible study. This isn't the first episode. One year ago, when our relationship was somewhat in trouble she saw two other men without me knowing. There have been more occurences in the past of her flirting online with guys and communicating with ex-boyfriends. I don't know if I should forgive again and stay in this relationship even though she is saying the right things now?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I think you should give her some time to show you that she is changing if she seeks the counseling and also counseling from her Priest she needs both counseling from a professional counselor and her priests' guidance. If she can show you that she is trying and trying hard I would suggest giving her another chance but if she doesn't follow through with everything she said she was going to do to correct this behavior then I would consider leaving the relationship, it seems as though it was a learned behavior for some time and now that she realizes that she may lose you she wants to make things right so at least give her that chance. You don't want to look later down the line and find yourself living with regrets for not at least trying with her, if you love her some times you have to forgive like the bible says "Seven times Seventy."

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I am just having a hard time believing I am ever going to trust her again. I don't know how I can stay in this relationship.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


It's just going to have to take time and patience and proof from her that she is truly willing to do the work to get your trust back. Don't expect it to happen overnight because this issue happened over some time and it's going to take even longer for you to trust her again and for her to regain that trust. I would postpone the wedding until you feel you can trust her almost completely before you set a new date.