I caught my husband texting his old girlfriend. Told her he loved her, he made a new email acct and was emailing her. This "old girlfriend" was the reason for his divorce from his first wife - he had an affair w/ her, she had an affair w/ him. When I found the texts on his phone, I got the phone # XXXXX told him to end it now. He seems contrite and says he loves me, he was just thinking about her. I asked him WHY he would tell her he loves her and he has no reason. He went through Linkedin to get in touch with her, I saw his messages to her, said he had been thinking of her alot. Also I went on our Verizon wireless acct and he planned so far as to get a calling card, figuring he'd call her that way. I told him, three in a marriage don't work, told him to end it and he called her and left a message about two weeks ago saying he was going to ruin his marriage if he contacted her and said sorry, that was it. Not sure what to do now. We are trying to work things through. When we first got married, I found a pic of her in his wallet two days before our marriage (should have known then) and then a year after, went through his briefcase ( I guess I was wondering) and found about 10 pics of her. He says they went through a lot together. I had told him I was very uncomfortable w/ this. He's telling me every day now he loves me. He made a mistake. Her life seems great, he says. She's traveling all over and he's home here w/ me, they talked about what could have been. I told him WE are living every day life, not a fantasy. His talks with her a nice because it's all fantasy - they don't live life every day. He gets it, I think. He was texting her, texint pics to each other, from a man who knocked texts all the time. He seems like he wants to work through things, tells me he loves me, says he wants us to out more, which I want to also, but now I'm very apprehensive. He gave me all his passwords to his emails and eveything. I had asked him if he sent her anything, he said no, then I found an email of him to her daughter saying, I sent your mom a package with a card for you, you should get it soon. I asked him if there's anything else I should know about, he says no. We are in Jersey, she is in Georgia. Her kids are grown and out, we have a 9 year old from our marriage. She is obviously living the high life, running here thre and everywhere while we raise our kids from previous marriages and this marriage (only one from this marriage). I also said to him, hey, every time you got "together" with her and spent an extended period of time w/ her, it went bad, and you still want MORE?????sorry for all the additions, they don't give you a lot of space to write in the beginning.
PS he was diagnosed w/ prostate cancer in March, getting ready for surgery. I'm trying to justify I guess the cancer thing with him trying to reconnect, although the "I love yous" he has said to her are not really making me HAPPY, shall I say. He also was on his cell w/ her at 4:00 in the morning at work (he's a police officer), so he could pretty much contact her anytime and I'd never know unless I keep tabs on his cell phone, which I cancelled his texting and am watching his use EVERY day now. Pretty disappointed with him and w/ everything. What do I do now???