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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21449
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I would like this to go Chari How can someone say they love

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I would like this to go Chari
How can someone say they love you, like you, enjoy being with you and is comfortable around but, likes being close to you at nite. Yet he says he don't have any feelings for you. I guess I don't understand what the word feelings means. What does the word love mean. we have a great sex life.
He has deep emotional feelings for someone else but says it is impossible for them to ever be to gether.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, Lydia, and thanks for requesting me.

If he is saying he likes you, loves you, is comfortable around you, likes being close to you at night, and your sex life is great, he is not telling the truth when he says he doesn't have any feelings for you.

He is afraid to say he has feelings for you, because he is afraid of being hurt. What you told me before, about his past emotional trauma with his mother, I believe that's still invading his present day relationships.

He has deep emotional feelings for the other lady, but she will never be 'available'. YOU are with him now, and you are 'available' to him. You are not a fantasy, you are real. Your life with him is real. He needs to realize that.

I believe he thinks he has deep emotional feelings for (loves?) this other woman, and I also think it's possible for him to be in love with two people at the same and her. However, YOU are the one living with him and warming his bed at night, providing the security and love he needs and wants. She will always be unattainable to him, and this might be part of the 'lure' for him.

If you choose to stay with him and he says he loves you but he also says he doesn't have any feelings for you, these two statements contradict each other. He can't say both and mean both. To make a comparison, it's like saying: "the light is red; you can't go; go ahead, drive, the light is red." Two opposite statements, that's what he's telling you. It makes no sense. Ask him what he means by that.

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>Thanks you told almost what I was thinking. That he is afraid of getting hurt, he was deeply in love with his exwife and she really hurt him so he is afraid to go there again. this women is a safety net and I also feel that she is leading him onbecause she doesn't want to lose that contact with him because she is unhappy in her life.</p><p>Your answer clears up my mind. </p><p>Lydia</p>
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Sorry I didn't get this in my last reply.
I did ask him what he meant by I love you but don't have feelings that I didn't understand. He said just what I have been saying I am giving you all I can give you and can't change my feelings for her. There has been 3 times in my life that I have had these feelings one was for the 2nd wife and his last wife and now cathy and those kinds of feelings just don't happen with everybody, it's just a connection that you have. Funny part is when an old boyfriend called the other day to tell someone both of us knew died he got really upset. He said I can't imagine why and old boyfriend calls you.
The 2nd wife also hurt him. Both wives were a result of cheating on another woman. When he lets his real emotions come into play he gets hurt and you said he is afraid of that. I have said that from the very beginning but thought it was just my misconception of my feelings. Thanks for listening lydia
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, Lydia.

I wasn't online when you replied, and I thank you for your accept.

You're most welcome for listening, and you know I'm always here for you.

I'm glad I could validate your feelings. You know him very well, and doubting yourself is natural, but you've proven that you've been right all this time. It's funny that he got upset when your old boyfriend called the other day. You know he loves you/has deep feelings for you, if he had this reaction. I know it's difficult for you, but you seem to be handling the situation remarkably well!

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
What I am feeling now is I am a threat to her otherwise she would have said to me when she knew I had just been diagonsed with cancer and was facing surgery (a masectomy) and she had said to him on the phone a few days before that about what was going on. She said to him how do you feel about that and his reply was it's her decission and she is strong minded. Will we were in MI he had invited her to the 5th wheel of business stuff and on the phone she asked him if things were going to stay the same and he said yes. When she came and at the end of the visit she told me she really did love him. Which I thought was cruel because of the frame of mind I was in. She takes care of all his investments. Montana has a commom law marriage and that threw her in to a tail spin that it could cost him lots of money. He had already lost mega bucks in the divorce, so planted a seed in his head as well as mine.

I guess this makes the picture clearer for you as far as my need ing advice.

Thanks again for all the help
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, Lydia.

Yes, it does make the picture clearer; thanks for your accept and your reply with all the additional detail. It's certainly a complicated situation, and unbelievable how she hangs on, when she knows she can't be with him. YOU being with him, is killing her! It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it, too (you know that expression?), but she knows she can't, so she's trying to make you doubt his feelings for you? No, that's not appropriate. It's too bad they have to have these constant dealings, because she takes care of all his investments and also knows all his financial information. But, the plain truth is, YOU are with him and she's not, and you know she can't leave her current situation, so that's better for you.

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