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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21387
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My boyfriend of over two years has been slowly chipping away

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend of over two years has been slowly chipping away at the chances of happiness in our relationship by telling lies. He first lied about a previous marriage ever exsisting (I found wedding photos). Then lied about e-mails sent to his female coworkers where he was asking them out to lunch and also inviting them out to a strip club for his birthday when in rreality I was at our home making his favorite dish for dinner. Most recently, he lied about where he was having drink with his coworkers after work last friday. I asked him to help me understand why he lies. He confessed that his career as a salesmen causes him to lie on the phone to clients all day on the phone and he continues that behavior when he comes home. He states that he knows he needs help. He says he will go to counciling or read books. Help!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi Kitty, and thanks for your question.

It does sound like your boyfriend may be a pathological liar, which is an illness, and he does need counseling and therapy to conquer this problem. However, it would be difficult, without professional in-person help, to determine if he is telling the truth, even about his 'excuses' or explanations for his inappropriate behavior.

Being a good salesman is an art, and while some salesmen will say 'anything' to close the deal, whether it's truthful or not, it's nothing to be proud of, if they lie in the course of their business dealings. Lying about being previously married, plus all his other behavior, indicating the possibility of infidelity to you, or definite inappropriate behavior unbecoming to a man who has a committed relationship with a woman for over two years, I don't think fall under the heading of 'pathological liar'; he may just be trying to see how much he can get away with.

Definitely proceed with caution as you move forward with this relationship and see to it that he does get counseling; couples counseling might also be a good idea for both of you, after his individual therapy to curb his dishonest ways, after understanding the reason behind it.

I hope all works out the way you want it to.

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