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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21448
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Hi Cheryl, I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 years

Customer Question

Hi Cheryl,

I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 years and now that we're finally living together I've become more aware of his habits, 2 in particular that worry me are his alcohol cunsumption and pot smoking. Let me first state that neither the pot or the beer interfere with his daily responsibilities whatsoever. He works very hard all day and when he comes home he dives right into his personal interests like fishing, household projects, etc. However, lately I've noticed that he'll have a beer or two when he comes home for lunch and after work he'll have 2-4 more. He also will take a few hits of pot (not around me or in the house)in the evenings as well. I've expressed my concern, which is on the verge of nagging at this point, and although I love him very much and think he's got a million great qualities, I'm not sure if I can ever accept his 6 pack a day plus pot habit. We're currently trying counseling, although he senses that it's an attempt on my part to get him to quit his habits, and this idea makes him upset. What should I do? Do I continue to work on acceptance and just keep loving him? I know that no relationship is perfect and I'm hanging on to the hope that he'll cut back on both the drinking and the pot. Should I end the relationship before we marry and begin a family? Thanks.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Mxm,

I believe the Cheryl you speak of is no longer working here. I apologize in advance for any inconvenience.

When it comes to relationships, yes, it is important in many ways to 'live and let live' and that both of you have your own ideas and individuality within the relationship. You were very clear that you are not sure if you can accept a 6 pack a day and the pot...but you should have a serious talk with yourself and make a definitive decision about it. If you cannot see yourself like this 5 years from now, you may want to re-think marriage. He has to be able to accept and understand how you feel about these habits, while you have to realize these may have always been his habits, you are just recently becoming aware of them. If he's unwilling to talk about it and/or compromise then it's not like you weren't clear with him about how you felt. No one wants to go through life nagging and trying to change someone's habits without them knowing it. You're right, no relationship is perfect but we all have our tipping points and you have to decide where yours is.

I welcome your thoughts. Let me know if you want to talk more.


Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi mxm,

Chase has provided you with an excellent answer.

I was just curious about something; because you began your question with 'Hi Cheryl', were you requesting a specific Relationship Expert you've worked with in the past, named Cheryl, or had you been requesting me, 'Cher' (nickname for Cheryl), a current Relationship expert, to answer you?