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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21446
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have been with my fiance for 5 years, 3 of which I lived

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I have been with my fiance for 5 years, 3 of which I lived with him. He recently told me that I make him miserable and had me pack my things and leave. A week later he explained that he pushed me away on purpose becuase he sees himself turning into hi angry father. Over the past few weeks we have been in contact, and today I was to go with him to his grandma's 90th b-day party. He was late to meet me after work, so we went to his place so he could shower as he had slept in. When he got out of the shower he wanted to hook up, which I didnt want to because we arent together. This lead to him being completely distant toward me at the party which lead to an argument after we left the party. I got in my car to go home and he followed me, so I asked him why and he tried to appologize. I denied the appology and he told me that he had always had a problem with me not caring about his feelings. I wonder whats best in this situation. I do love him, but he seems so unhappy with me...
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

As you can see, it got transferred to the right category: Relationships!

From your description of the situation, he sounds very conflicted, but since you've been together for so long, and lived with him for 3 of those 5 years, wouldn't it be obvious that you got along, loved each other, he didn't turn into his angry father, and you did care about each others' feelings? It's strange that all of a sudden, now, did he make a decision you were not right for each other.

You did absolutely the right thing, today, before the party, in refusing to hook up. Either you're together or you're apart. He asked you to leave, so you're apart. He didn't act appropriately at all.

I don't think it's true that you don't care about his feelings, and I think he's using that as an excuse. You've known each other since a young age, and you should know all about each others' likes, dislikes, feelings, etc. I think he's trying to make you feel badly about yourself and his 'unhappiness with you'; that sounds selfish re: his feelings, when this is not true at all. Don't allow him to make you feel badly. Were you unhappy with HIM when he said you made him miserable, broke off your engagement, and asked you to leave? Of course you were, and he made you feel badly after all the years you've given him.

If you love him, and can still see yourself living the rest of your life, happily with him, (although there are no guarantees), tell him so, and ask if he wants to get back together. If you're having doubts about him and his treatment of you, think long and hard about if you really want to be with him anymore.

I think, right now, you need to take a deep breath, not see him for a while, and think things out. Decide what you feel will be best for YOU, because you deserve to be happy. If his feelings and actions seem so changeable within a short period of time, take this into consideration. Do you think if you married him, he'd wake up one day and tell you you no longer make him happy and you should pack your things and leave? That can't be hanging over your head...

Just consider everything carefully, all the pros and cons of your relationship, and do whatever makes you happiest.

I wish you much good luck.

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