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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21416
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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i meet ladies i like but it can be akward because they are

Resolved Question:

i meet ladies i like but it can be akward because they are the bar lady or check out person, i find it too risking to ask any of these ladies out
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi mattf, and thanks for your question.

May I ask your age?

Why do you find it too risky to ask these ladies out?

Do you talk to/see the ladies in these type of situations, frequently, and get friendly with them? Or, do you see them, find them attractive and want to ask them out without really knowing them?

Any additional detail about your situation, will be helpful.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

1 age 31


2 risky because of others,dont know if they are single,because of there positions there in


3 both of the two options


i am sure how to go about this, if i asked a bar lady out it could be difficulty because the other men in the pub

Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, Matt, and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information about your situation.

I understand why you feel it's risky to ask these ladies out, not knowing if they are single, involved in a relationship, etc., so the first thing you need to do is chat them up, be friendly, and casually ask questions within your chatting to find out what their 'situation' is. For example, to the bar lady (now, I'm not sure if you mean the lady who works behind the bar, or a lady you meet at a bar), ask, does your husband mind when you come here alone? OR, if she's the lady who works behind the bar, ask: 'Does your husband mind when you come home late?' you know, because the bar is open late. If she says 'I'm not married' or 'I don't have a husband', then follow with, you're so attractive, are you seeing anybody; do you have a boyfriend? Then, take it from there, depending on her answer. If she says she's dating but doesn't have a boyfriend, ask if she'd like to meet you for coffee sometime because you'd like to get to know her better, and ask for her phone number.

You don't have to ask her out immediately. You can talk to her a few times, get to know about things she likes to do, like going to movies, bowling, ice skating, museums, etc. Also, ask about her work. You can share your interests, too. Each time you're there, get to know more about her until you feel confident enough to ask for her number, then call her and get together very casually, at first. Coffee/lunch, is great for a first meeting.

With the checkout person, the same idea applies, be friendly, smile, say she looks nice today, she has beautiful eyes, hair, etc., on different visits, until you feel you can ask for her phone number. You can even say, 'If you're not attached, I'd love to take you out sometime'; if she says, no, I'm sorry, I'm married, or I'm seeing someone, then you'll know her situation.

What's most important is that you have to gain some confidence in yourself, first, and then you'll feel confident in asking them out. Ask yourself: what's the worst thing that can happen? She'll say no. No biggie, you'll move on to someone else you find attractive. If you're shy, practice in front of the mirror, how you will look/dress, what you will say, until it feels very natural to you. And a smile goes a long way! Always smile, be pleasant, give a compliment, but be sincere, and if a lady is single, she'll be happy to accept your invitation to coffee, etc.

I wish you much good luck and please let me know your thoughts and if you would like to discuss this further.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
different situations can be aqward, it is not like being in club where the lady is wearing attractive clothing in the same position of having a drink(i was deaf when younger-difficult to communicate in clubs), i don't just want to hang around the bar for instance , i once met an ideal lady but i found it diffiult as I was the coach of the team and she was the managers daughter (i was unsure how to go about because it was in a football environment
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply, Matt.

I understand what you're saying. Clubs ARE difficult places to communicate, even if you have perfect hearing; it's usually very loud, so try other types of clubs, bars, cafes, where the atmosphere is more mellow, intimate, quiet, perhaps with soft music, not blasting loud music.

If you haven't tried meeting ladies online, that might be a good avenue for you to pursue, because it's a really good way to get to know a person before actually meeting in person. By the time you set up a meeting in person, you'll feel comfortable, knowing things about her, knowing she's single, and you'll have told her things about yourself, too. However, remember, anyone can say anything and be who they 'want' to be on the internet, so you'll have to be sure she's telling you the truth about herself, and also, before meeting in person, it would be good to talk on the phone, if you feel comfortable doing that. When you make up to meet, always do it in a public place, like a cafe or restaurant, not at either of your homes.

Would it be possible to find out where your ideal lady from the past, is, at this time (the football manager's daughter)? If you can track her down, maybe she's not married and you can pick up where you left off. Just an idea...

Earlier you mentioned, it being 'risky' to ask out these ladies you may meet in your everyday life. Why is it risky? The worst that can happen is that you find out they're not single/available. If there are any organizations (religious, activities you like, like dancing, singing, singles around your age, etc.) in your area, check them out and start going to events or meetings and there, you can meet ladies who share your interests.

This is a gradual process and can't be rushed, so take things slowly, find some places where you feel comfortable talking to women, and follow your instincts. Be yourself, be confident, be complimentary, and I'm sure the ladies will find you attractive.


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