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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My father has been in prison for my entire life. I know my

Customer Question

My father has been in prison for my entire life. I know my father's side of the family, I just don't know him. I have always felt people deserve to be forgiven and have second chances and I always felt that I loved him with all my heart. But I recently discovered Im not very good with relationships with other men. Ive never been in a relationship because I don't let anyone in and I recently started liking this guy. It took him about five months for me to even talk on the phone with him. Then when I started liking him I was so afraid that I would cry at night. We started developing strong feelings for eachother and after about 2 months I opened up to him and told him how I felt. But on occassion I would assume he was treating me wrong and I would freak out on him and curse him out even though he wasn't. Even though we aren't together, Im very jealous of other girls he talks to. Why am I behaving this way? He recently told me if I "spaz" out on him again, Im not going to like him.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


It all stems from your childhood and growing up without your father it led you to have reservations about men and whether or not they would hurt you when you got to be an adult, you need to work on your relationship with your father and be able to trust him and talk to him about the way you felt growing up without your father and how it has affected you as an adult and in your relationships. If you have trust issues in relationships, they can stem from either past or present behavior. Some people have trust issues in general and tend to bring this baggage with them into every relationship. Others have been burned by an ex boyfriend and bring that baggage into the relationship. Your trust issues stem from the hurt you felt not having your father there to nurture you and protect you the way a father should. Trust needs some time to grow, it can't happen overnight and it won't readily happen the moment you realized you're in love. Don't pressure yourself. You have plenty of time to each prove your worth to each other.


The past always seem to catch up on us all the time, but when you're in a relationship, learn to steer clear of any past issues such as exes, old family issues, mistakes and broken promises, they can shake up your trust but stay focused with the present and the future. It's totally a waste if you keep on bringing back something that cannot be fixed. Learn to appreciate what's here and now. Talking is always the easiest way to resolve issues. If you're jealous or a little bit insecure about something, don't hide your feelings from your partner. Express that you're upset but don't nag or start blaming. Make it clear that you're just trying to let him know what you're going through so they can also make adjustments. Respect is very vital in every relationship. Sometimes it's just paranoia when we're having trouble trusting our partner. Before resolving relationship trust issues, resolve your own personal issues. Love yourself before you can love someone else and it will lessen feelings of being insecure and value the love you're feeling. Once you can get answers from your father you may be able to move on and have a healthy and productive relationship with someone else.

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