How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Cher Your Own Question
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21446
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Cher is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, so for about a month now I have been dating a girl that

Resolved Question:

Hello, so for about a month now I have been dating a girl that I really like. She is smart, funny, has many similar interests as mine and is a very soulful person. Tonight we had our first sexual encounter where we went all the way and I noticed that I was not too into it. Now, I have never had erectile difficulties before except under the influence of too much alcohol (I barely drank this time) and I am now questioning whether it is possible to be romantically attracted to someone and not be sexually attracted to them? What do you suggest is the best way to handle this going forward? I like her emotionally and I find her quite beautiful but my sexual interest in her is not as high as I would like it to be, perhaps it is too early and this is what I require in a relationship? Is this normal for a guy? Thank you.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello, and thanks for your question.

A month is not a very long time, comparatively, when dating. You're still getting to know each other and it's possible that you need to get more 'into' each other, in other ways, and not have another sexual encounter until you feel you do know her better.

Also, there are so many other things you can do, before the actual 'act', and you should try to build up to that, slowly. Choose a romantic setting, get each other in the mood, get to know each others' bodies, and move with deliberate slowness. The anticipation will help you feel more in the mood.

It's possible that she is not as skilled a lover, as you would want, but you can learn together. Ask her to do things you like and ask her what she likes. Assistance from items like toys, movies, reading books and magazines with erotic content, may help the situation.

Give your relationship a chance, since it's so new, you find her attractive, and you already connect on an emotional level, and don't rush things; see where it takes you.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi, thanks for your reply. The only thing is I find that she wants to get the sexual side of things going early, I have no problem with this but I find at this point that I'm not as sexually attracted to her as I want to be and am uncertain whether I will be at a later point. Do you feel that this is possible, to be romantically attracted yet not sexually to someone? It may make her feel like I'm putting things off because she has already asked if it is her who is the problem and I said no because I am uncertain. Thank you!
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

I understand what you're saying, and yes, it's possible to be romantically attracted to someone, yet not sexually attracted. If you're alright with this, and wish to continue the relationship, you'll see how things go.

If it's important to you to be both romantically and sexually attracted to a woman you're dating, then you might consider seeing other people and/or breaking it off with her. You didn't mention if you are exclusive or not, but if you're not, you might see if any other women you're dating are more attractive to you both romantically and sexually. Of course, the combination of 'both' in a relationship, is most desirable, but if you're feeling anxious and/or upset over this incident, it's important that you get your confidence back.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you