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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21337
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My friend of 4 years went through a separation, & a long term

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My friend of 4 years went through a separation, & a long term relationship ending. Since Jan she has shown little or no respect for me. She is a very insecure person and in Feb '09 she met a guy while out but they never exchanged numbers. I knew this guy and was able to get his number however she did not have the courage to ring him and wanted me to on her behalf. Her text message stated 'if you do this for me I'll give you that mirror of mine for free' I had agreed to buy this off her for €20/$12. I said no. Did she think our friendship was this cheap? It was a hurtful statement. Again whilst out she gave her number to another guy I was interested in and started seeing him. She knew this hurt me but never apologized. I have lost all respect for her and want to distance myself. She is now friendly with a friend of mine and I am totally excluded from nights out and feel so let down by her when I genuinely have been nothing but a good friend. It's worrying me so what do I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again,Customer

I think your friend's actions have proven that she is NOT a good, nor a loyal friend, and you should continue to distance yourself from her. I'm sure you have other friends that 'give' in addition to 'taking'. That's what friendships and interpersonal relationships are about: 'give and take'. If your friend is only 'taking', she's no long a friend and is not to be trusted.

I don't blame you for declining her offer to give you her mirror in exchange for a favor of calling a guy for her. You did absolutely the right thing!

Spend time with your other friend (that now goes out with her), and exclude HER. She sounds like a selfish person who will continue to 'step' on people without even knowing she's hurting feelings; that's the sad part for her, she doesn't know she's hurting people. You don't need a 'friend' like that. Steer clear of her and enjoy yourself with friends who care about you and your feelings.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
However Cher the other problem is that the person she is now friendly with can be quiet rude also and would actually not speak to me for several weeks. I asked her recently if she knew a certain someone because both her and this person I was reffering to were in the same industry. It was a genuinely friendly question and she went for me and accused me of trying to squeeze information out of her. I asked what she was on about and she said that 'someone has told you about me and him'. I wouldn't mind I honestly didn't have a clue what she was refering to and she got annoyed. In the end it turned out that she never got on with the person I was refering too and ended up leaving her position but me asking about this person was a pure fluke and she went for me. She accepted that I had never known about this event but she never apologized. These 2 friendships are too hard to maintain. I don't want fallouts with people particularly when I'm not even the cause of them. As my work colleague asked 'are they really worth it' and my thoughts are maybe not. What do you think of this one Cher?
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with more information, and for your accept.

If your other friend reacted in this rude way when you asked an innocent question, I agree, the friendships are not worth it. You deserve good friends who will be loyal and with whom you can discuss things without being afraid of being 'judged'. Friends speak freely with each other and don't have to watch their words. You should put your efforts into remaining friendly with those types of friends you have now. These two are not worth your time.