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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Ive been feeling a lot of anxiety about my relationship lately.

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I've been feeling a lot of anxiety about my relationship lately. Sometimes I'm totally in love and sometimes I'm terrified I'm not, but there's almost always some measure of anxiety throughout the course of the day. I'm always thinking about it.. Do I love him, do I not love him. I don't want my relationship to end but can't seem to sort out my feelings.



-How long have you been dating?


-Have you always felt this way?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
We've been dating 18 months. FYI, this is a relationship between two gay men. About 6 weeks ago, shortly after meeting his mom, I was laying in bed thinking "what more could I want?" and a little voice in my head said "A boyfriend you actually love".. Since then I've not been able to get it out of my head, even when I'm with him.

We never fight, and so far it hasn't caused any visible problems in our relationship, but it's tearing me up inside. I feel that I don't want the relationship to end and that because I'm hurting it must mean that I love him, and I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX inside I do.. But if I loved him truly why would I have these feelings?


No matter whether you are gay or straight every relationship goes through doubts of whether or not that person is the right person for them, so your dilemma is no different. What you are experiencing is common in fairly new relationships meaning a couple that have not been together for many years now if you were experiencing this after being with your mate for many years then there would be issues you may have to consider but you are afraid that you may be making a mistake and that things are too good to be true and you are trying to find thing that may be wrong with the relationship which is considered relationship sabotage. When you're in a fairly new relationship, you are definitely filled with butterflies in your stomach. You want everything to work out perfectly and, you are not sure whether you are doing the right thing or not.


Anxiety in relationships is not uncommon and many people find themselves here. There are many things you can do to overcome anxiety in relationships. First, you need to understand the real source of the anxiety before you deal with it. Anxiety can come as a result of fear. Fear of not doing things right and even fear of not being the right person for the person you meet or vice versa. Many times, you will meet a person who really treats your nicely. As you proceed with your relationship, you will discover that you are anxious and afraid of what their reaction might be if they really knew you. The past and your past relationship could have alot to do with your anxiety. Maybe you had some not so great relationship and you are use to being treated differently and when someone treats you good after experiencing a negative relationship you are continuously waiting for them to change and start to treat you badly instead of appreciating that you finally found someone that is good to you.


Anxiety in relationships can also be caused by people who have self esteem issues. If you feel like you are not worth being loved. Also, there are people who are just anxious of the future and afraid because of the unknown. Whatever reason you have, anxiety in relationships can be overcome only by facing your fears. You need to confront your problems so that you can relax and have a healthy and happy relationship. We are capable of being loved no matter what we are and what our past is. You need to discover that beauty from within so that you can feel it on the outside. You need to seek professional help if it gets too hard for you to handle. Remember, this kind of anxiety can really cost your relationship so take the steps to find out why you have them and what you can do to better trust not only yourself but your relationship also. .

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
That makes a lot of sense. I think it may be stemming from the fact that I am not "out" to anyone but immediate family and now that we are at a point where we've been talking about the future - moving in, maybe getting married some day - that I'm panicking because I can't move on to these things without outing myself to my friends. I was always aware of this potential issue but it's never been so crushing before.

Thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated.


The reason it's bothering you so much is because you are in love and you cannot show the world who you love that is why it's important to think about coming out but only when you are ready to do so but you coming out will take alot of pressure off not only you but your relationship also. If they are true friends they will accept your sexuality and if they are not then you don't need them in your life anyway. Good luck to you!

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you so much!