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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21421
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Why do I feel a sadness that I have met this guy from 3 weeks

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Why do I feel a sadness that I have met this guy from 3 weeks ago and know in my gut that if someone were to ask what the ideal guy is then it possibly could be this guy. He is attractive both physically but more improtantly he has the loveliest personality that I feel I have know him for such a long time that I like this guy. He said to me this week that the spark/connection was not there for him and he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue however my feelings are two sided, 1. I completely understand what he is referring to because I once felt that with someone but it never worked out because of wrong timing. 2. There is a comfort between the 2 of us like we are the best of friends, we are honest with each other and we are both ourseleves, Physical attraction etc, part of me feels that this could be the foundation of a great relationship but my gut feeling is confused. It is so hard t know whether to continue or not and just take the risk or leave it be for him to make the decision?
Hello again,

From the situation as you describe it, you have nothing to lose by staying around and seeing where things lead. If you leave it to him to make the decision, you're giving up your option of deciding what's best for you. As you mentioned, yes, you would be taking a risk, if you continue, that he will decide not to go on.

If he has already said to you that he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue seeing you or continue the relationship, if you feel strongly that he might change his mind, as he gets to know you better, and know more about you--after all, 3 weeks is a comparatively short time to know a person--you have nothing to lose, but if/when you do stop seeing each other, you'll of course, be upset.

If you feel you want to avoid that upset now, and take him at his word, saying he's not sure if he wants to continue, you have two choices: you can either bow out gracefully, and tell him that you think he's absolutely right, and you agree that it might be a good idea not to continue because 'something' is missing, or you can continue the relationship, and try to win him over with your wit and charm, and allow him to get to know you better.

He may feel things are moving too fast, and this is what's 'spooking' him and causing him to say to you, he's just not sure that 'spark/connection' is there. It also may be his way of 'letting you down easily' without hurting your feelings and wanting 'out' of the relationship.

I can offer suggestions and guide you, but you're the only one who can make the decision if you want to stay or leave the relationship at this time. In this situation you could leave now, with your dignity, be happy for the time you have spent together, and move on in your dating life. Maybe if you show him you're confident enough to know what you want, and you do desire the best for yourself and your happiness, he will respect this and it might even intrigue him to want to get to know you better. YOU being in the 'driver's seat', so to speak, is much better than being the 'passenger', along for the ride, in this relationship. Maybe he'll even start pursuing YOU, after you show him this side of you.

I hope whatever you decide, helps you find happiness.

If you would like to discuss this more, please click 'reply' and let me know your thoughts. If you found my answer helpful, please click 'accept', so I can be compensated. Thanks!

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

This guy I am referring too is making great efforts to keep in contact and in seeing me but in my heart I know there is nothing there between us. He wants to meet up this Sunday and spend the day together and see where it takes us but I know it will be the end because of this nervousness I feel towards him. It's like there is this pressure to feel a spark between us when there isn't. He is everything I could want in a guy, kind, thoughtful, cute and funny but nothing is happening bwteen us. He can't understand this either! Am I am putting off the inevitable??

Hi again, and thanks for your reply and your accept.

If, in your heart, you feel there is not enough of a spark between you, then, yes, I agree with you that you are putting off the inevitable.

The spark has to happen on both ends. Sometimes one person will feel it more quickly than the other. If you think your nervousness is preventing your from truly being yourself with him, you have to conquer the nervousness. I know that's easier said than done, but if you put yourself into a mindset that whatever you do from now on, can only help the situation, there's nothing you can do wrong. If YOU feel there's no spark and you would rather not prolong the inevitable, then continue to have contact and start dating others. It's possible that in the future, both of you will be at different stages in your lives, and if you meet up again, things will be different and more like you want them to be.

Sometimes, a great friendship will lead to a great romance, but if you get stuck in the groove of the friendship thing and nothing is progressing, otherwise, it just might not be meant to be. There are times when you need your heart to rule, and others when you need a combination of your head AND heart to guide you, so keep that in mind and I have confidence that you'll make the right decision.