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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21446
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Am I really crazy to feel this way I cant seem to let go..

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We've been arguing a lot the past couple months, and it seems like it's to the point of no return. I have a hard time trusting him because he has cheated on me in the past, and has broken up with me repeatedly, only to have short time flings, and then get back together with me again. My lack of trust in him has only made me snoop and uncover emails/texts he has sent to other women full of compliments, and it has stung to know that I never was complimented in the same way. He now says that he doesn't want to be bothered with me anymore and is sick and tired of me, telling me that I cry too much, am weak, mean nothing to him; essentially blaming the end of the relationship on me....and then telling me to get the hell out of his house and to never come back. I've tried to make him happy while battling my own feelings of not being truly loved in the relationship for 3 years, but I feel so lost and guilty about this being my fault. I can't his voice out of my head, telling me how I have driven him crazy and he never wants to see me again. How do I get past this?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

May I ask your age and the age of your boyfriend?

Do you/did you live together? Is it his house? Do you contribute to the household expenses, rent, etc.?

Have you been faithful to him throughout the course of your relationship?

Thanks for all the additional detail you can provide about your situation.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I'm 21 years old, and he is 25 years old. I have stayed at his apartment back and forth for over two years, but have always had my apartment. We have spent a lot of time together, him either sleeping over my place or me sleeping over there. I have contributed to expenses when he was unable to afford it when I could. I have been faithful to him the entire time of our relationship.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with helpful, additional information.

Let me assure you, you're not crazy to feel this way, it's not your fault, and it's not easy letting go. After being together for a significant amount of time, you're in the 'habit' of being with him; to change that habit is difficult, and the way he ended it, was certainly wrong and hurtful.

On the one hand, you can remember all the good times you had, and feel very sad that it's over (and I'm not telling your to ignore the good times; I'm sure they were good, or you wouldn't have stayed), but on the other hand, and more important to remember, is how disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX you by cheating on you so many times, having short term flings while he was with you or broken up for a small period of time. He caused you feel he was not to be trusted, and you 'busted' him, that's why he reacted so violently and told you to leave. HE was embarrassed about his past behavior, and the fact that you weren't going to take it anymore. You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. YOU were the faithful one and you were the one to get yelled at and 'blamed' for the downfall of this relationship? No, not at all!

His behavior was unforgivable during the relationship, and at the end, when he yelled at you. I know it's going to be hard to stop 'replaying' that in your head, but you need to stop for your own good, and remind yourself you have done nothing wrong. I think you deserve someone who will appreciate you for all your wonderful attributes and compliment you 100% of the time, and mean it!

You started this relationship when you were quite young, and it sounds as if he took advantage of your good nature.

Allow yourself to grieve for the ending of the relationship, but don't dwell on it, and certainly do NOT blame yourself or feel guilty for ANYTHING. What he said was only to hurt you because HE was feeling guilty, so he lashed out. Try to put it out of your mind, take a little time for yourself, and then move on with your life, to find someone who is deserving of you.

I wish you much good luck and hope you find the happiness you so richly deserve!