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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Me and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years decided to take a break.

Resolved Question:

We've been 2gether for 2 1/2 years. He cheated on me (no sex, but cheating nonetheless) 4 months ago and I took him back after much groveling on his part. I kept bringing up the past and we kept fighting. He finally told me that he felt that we have done nothing in our time together and he really wants to get his nursing degree. He wants to do it for himself and for us. So, with all this we decided to take a break. Not break up. We r 2 remain exclusive to each other, but we will be living apart. I just can't get over feeling a bit hurt over it. I hate thinking that there is a possibility that it might not work. But I know he loves me and he clearly stated that I am the one he wants to be with. He just wants to be a man about it and gain the means to take care of us. So why am I so hurt and worried? How do I support and respect his decision despite not trusting him because of the cheating?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


His indiscretion is still fresh in your mind and what you both have to realize is that it's going to take some time for you to get the trust back and it's not going to happen overnight. Maybe this time will help you to not only trust him again but make your relationship better and stronger. The living apart may be a blessing because if you were to have to be around him everyday it might be a constant reminder of his cheating and you would fight and ultimately the relationship would end. To be able to trust each other again will require an attitude adjustment. You can save the relationship, but it will take some hard work and you will have to start with building trust in each other again. To gain trust, you must fix the original problem for the relationship to work again and find out what went wrong to make him cheat. If you cannot do it on your own, you may need to go to counseling for couples to work it out.


In order for your boyfriend to gain your trust back he has to make small promises and then show you that he can keep them. Try to find something positive in the past and move forward in the relationship into the future. Show him that you are trying to get the trust back even if you are finding it hard to do and show him that you now understand how much you really love him and want to support him. This can actually help you to grow closer and the relationship to grow deeper. Your boyfriend has to make a plan to get your trust with small steps at a time and be patient. It will take time and the relationship can be healed if you have a good solid plan and you change his actions match his words.

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