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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I have been seeing a minister and chaplain for about a year.

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I have been seeing a minister and chaplain for about a year. He is 58 years old and never been married. I am 65 and was widowed about 2 years ago. We see each other for lunch or dinner about once a week and since February we talk on the phone for about an hour a day. He talks and talks about his work and runs everything by me so trust is there. On May 3 I emailed him explaining that my heart is totally involved, but I don't ever want to loose his friendship. I asked him to tell him how he was feeling about our relationship. At that point he said he was "processing" what I had said. Since than, even though he has a counseling degree, feelings are not approached. I'm going to his church and people there seem to think we have a "relationship" because, as one fellow said, sparks seem to fly. I can't decide if he is gay, just wants to be friends, or what.   Do I push him with more questions, or wait and see how long the processing goes on? It's starting to affect my health.


I don't think he is gay I think he wants to make sure that this is the right thing for him, as a minister he cannot outwardly show affection toward you until he has made a conscience decision to take the relationship to another level. I think it's best to go at his pace and give him at least a week or two to process what you told him and then ask him how he feels about you and if he sees a future with you. It's better to know now then to continue to assume how things are, this could be what is affecting your health the not knowing and wondering and worry about where things lie between you. The question is, "Are you ready to hear what he might say about the relationship no matter whether it's positive or negative?"

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