replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, and you're most welcome. Thanks for your reply.
It will be difficult, as you imagine, continuing to live in the same house but distance yourself from him, so all you can do is go about your business of your daily routine, caring for the girls, working, taking care of the house and pretend you're a single parent who has no husband. If you're living under the same roof, it would be impossible to completely avoid him, but try to ignore his presence as much as possible. Think of him as a 'boarder' living there, who you really have nothing to do with; you each have your separate lives, and your most important job is to make your life and your children's lives as least stressful as possible.
I was going to suggest, that if you got a divorce, you are still reasonably young and you could meet another man who was the complete opposite of this one, who would admire you and compliment you and appreciate you for who you are and what you do. I understand that some men don't want to take on a new 'family', complete with young children, but, also, many do.
I'm sorry you feel so envious of your friends who have good marriages, but that's human nature. You see in them, that which you don't have and probably never had, with this man. But, I prefer to be optimistic, and feel that it's possible for you to start a new life with a new man who would have all the characteristics your husband does not.
To feel better about your life, imagine he is not in it; you are on your own with the girls, you will do fun activities, and just ignore his presence. Imagine that some day it IS possible for you to meet someone else, who will make your life much happier. I'm certainly not advising you to break your vows, but if you start noticing men you come in contact with every day, and you start talking, being a little flirtatious, maybe you'll 'click' with someone, start confiding your concerns for yourself and your daughters, etc., and you might find a good man who says he'd like to 'take you away from all this'. If he knows about your children and likes children, perhaps he'd like a 'ready made' family. Try to picture yourself down the road with a man that will make you happy and if you search, you may find him.
There's no denying you're in a tough spot, but I think you're an intelligent and strong woman, and you can get through it as long as you have to, for the sake of your daughters, and until you meet someone who will be good to you. It's so unfair that he's allowed to have children, leave one wife, have more children, and so on, and take no financial responsibility for any of them.
If you go to your personal physician, you might discuss your feelings of depression, and perhaps an appropriate medication will be prescribed, that will help you feel more hopeful and tolerate your current situation, more easily, for the present time. Also, try to get together with family and friends, more, have social outings with the girls and keep yourself busy with activities you enjoy, when you're not working. Do you have any kind of women's clubs where you could go for support from women who have possibly gone through a similar experience? Having a 'support' group is always helpful, and helps to make you feel less alone.
Because of our time difference, I must log off now, but if you want to discuss this further, I will reply when I sign back on, tomorrow. Otherwise, if you found my information helpful, it would be appreciated if you would click 'accept' at this time. It won't limit our communication, I will still be here for you to help you through this.