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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21382
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs. I was young (17

Resolved Question:

My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs. I was young (17 yrs) when I met him and I often wonder if I was wrong for getting married. I do love my husband, but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I feel underappreciated. I'm 23, and to be perfectly honest, I'm built like a model and I'm considered to be attractive. I'm hard-working, intelligent (except when it comes to him), and loyal. I've been working full-time since I was 18 and I've been putting myself through school. My biggest two problems with him are his temper and his lack of financial contribution. We haven't taken a vacation in 2 yrs and we can't buy a house b/c of him, not me; I've got money in my savings and I've had a good paying job for 2 years now ($16/hr). He is 31 and makes $8/hr and I feel like money shouldn't matter b/c I'm not materialistic, but I resent him for not proposing to me right, for the plain band on my finger, for no vacations, etc. Am I crazy for staying with him or am I materialistic?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

I'd like to ask you a few questions, first, to get a better view of your situation.

What first attracted you to your husband and what made you fall in love with him, initially, and want to marry him?

If I have the timeline right, you met at 17, married 4 years later, when you were 21, and have now been married for 2 years?

Has the age difference ever caused a problem for either of you?

What type of work does your husband to?

When you mention his temper, how does he display his temper--with words or actions? What sort of things make him angry?

Since he couldn't tell the doctor (when you went for marriage counseling) what, if any, problems he had with you, does he ever tell YOU what problems he thinks exist in the marriage? Does he seem happy being married?

Thanks for your additional details.

Cher
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi,

If you feel you might have married too young and resent your husband for not being a better provider, although you do not consider yourself materialistic, you might be right about not being in love with him, and you might not belong together.

Only you can make this decision, but if you feel you're unhappy in the marriage and desire a better way of life, which he can't provide for you, you might think about leaving the marriage.

If marriage counseling was not fruitful because your husband had nothing to say about what bothers him about you, he may not have been completely truthful, if you say he shows periods of temper/anger. If he shows temper, it's sparked by something you're saying or doing, so obviously there are SOME things that bother him, which you say/do.

Perhaps you can find another marriage counselor or therapist that will be more successful in drawing out your husband and getting him to verbalize how things are going in your marriage. Maybe speaking to the counselor alone, without you there, at first, would make him feel less inhibited.

Try talking to your husband about the things that are on your mind and see what he has to say. If you get nowhere, ask him to join you in counseling with a different person, who you will select. If you want to save your marriage, open communication is key.

If you are truly unhappy in this marriage and don't think this is working out for you, make decisions that will help you be happier, after first letting your husband know how you feel. You deserve to be happy, first and foremost.

Cher
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for your advice.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

Thanks very much for your reply and your accept, and I wish you much happiness, no matter what you decide.

Cher