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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Okay, so I dated this guy for almost 7 months. We had a pretty

Resolved Question:

Okay, so I dated this guy for almost 7 months. We had a pretty harsh break-up. I did and said some stupid things that I really regret now. We stopped speaking for several months. At times, I would send him an email wishing him a happy birthday or something, but I never got a reply from him.

Finally, I heard from him last month. The tone of his emails seemed a little different, but he was nice and we never brought up the past. The best way I can describe the tone was that it was like hearing from a friend you had an uncomfortable past with for the first time in a while. I have had a few small conversations with him since then, and they have all gone pretty well.

Yesterday, though, I ran into him at a convention that I was at with my friends. I am sure that he saw me. Whenever I saw him in the distance, I would turn around and walk the other way. I didn't feel ready to confront him in person, and I was really nervous. Later my friend told me that one of her friends told my ex a few days earlier that if he saw me, to just "turn around and walk the other way". I know I did the same thing to him, but it made me feel hurt.

We never said hi or anything. It was just a big mess of nervousness. I sort of regret hiding every time I saw him, though.

I really want to have a friendship with him. He's a great, funny, nice guy who really liked me before. The only thing is that he's such a nervous person who tries to avoid nervous situations. Before, I felt like we were making nice, slow progress in rebuilding a friendship, but now I am afraid that we might have taken a couple steps back.

I am also afraid that he might think that I have other intentions, like a relationship. I would like to tell him that I just want a friend, but like I said, he is a nervous person and bringing sensitive subjects up might make him uncomfortable. I really want to avoid that.

I want to give him a little time to recover from yesterday. But otherwise, I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know how he feels or what he is thinking. To be honest, I am scared.

Thank you for reading. Insight would be appreciated.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


The best thing for you to do now is to sit down and write or type everything you want to say in an email explaining why things were so awkward at the convention and explain why they were on your side and tell him that you want nothing from him if only to be his friends and that you don't want things to be so awkward when the two of you see each other. Explain to him that you think he is funny, nice and an overall good guy you would like for him to be your friend and that you don't expect anything else from him maybe if he knows that you aren't trying to get a relationship going with him he may be more able to have a friendship with you but one thing the both of you are going to have to do is stop allowing your friends to be involved with your friendship or relationship they may think they have your best interest at heart but are doing more harming then helping.I would write the email and then ask if the two of you could go to lunch as friends just to talk things over. You may not have any other choice but to talk everything out in order for all the hurt feelings to be put on the table and dealt with.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Well, like I said, he is a very nervous person. Back during the break-up, I would often tell him how I felt. After a while, he grew tired of it and was annoyed whenever I attempted to talk about my feelings because I did it so much. I don't want him to feel like I am "beating a dead horse" or something. Going out to lunch with him is probably way too much for him at this point... We had not seen each other in a year before the convention.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


Other than letting the whole situation go and chalking up to a learned experience writing an email to him is your best bet at this point or let it go. Explain what happened at the convention would not be beating a dead horse it will be explain to him what happened at least on your part. Things are always going to be awkward with the two of you until you nip this in the bud. You don't have to go into details about the past when the two of you were dating just explain that you felt uncomfortable just walking up to him and talking to him and that you had hoped that he would at least so say hello as friends. What often happens in these circumstances is that the other thinks they know what the other is thinking and many times we can be wrong about what they are thinking or what they want from us. It would have been best since you first contacted him for you to say hello to him when you saw him at the convention. With that being said you have three options call him on the phone and talk to him about the two of you being friends, have a trusted friend of the both of you talk to him about being friends or writing an email explain to him that you want to be friends.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I really don't want to just let it go. I care about him a lot. You're right, it needs to be brought up in order for things to get better. I am just afraid of being ignored or hurt again.

Should I still give him some time for himself? I don't want to come off as desperate to him or anything.

Thank you so much for your help, by the way.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I would give him one to two weeks before contacting him again this way if he were upset about your ignoring or avoiding him he will have time to get over that and then you can start fresh. I would write the email after two weeks and see if he replies to it and if he does take it from there but if he doesn't don't get discouraged that may mean he needs more time.

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