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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21333
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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i found out that my girl of 4 years keeps in contact with an

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i found out that my girl of 4 years keeps in contact with an old bo yfriend. she even started a page on facebook with him as a friend. months ago when i tried to put our pixs on my facebook page, she would not allow it beacause she said people could use those pixs to do harm. am i in for a big surprise?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

I don't think you're in for a big surprise, if you can head it off.

If you feel that your girl is not being faithful to you, either physically and/or emotionally, and her contact with the old boyfriend bothers you, you need to discuss this with her.

Not allowing you to post pix of both of you on your Facebook page should be a red flag, as you are interpreting it. She should be proud to have pix of you both, as boyfriend/girlfriend on HER Facebook page AND on YOURS.

She may deny it, but you definitely need to discuss this with her and tell her that it bothers you that she's keeping in contact with a former boyfriend, and communicating with him, via Facebook. Once a relationship is over, it's usually over; if people remain 'friends', it's sometimes because one or both of them usually feel there's a chance for old feelings to resurface and a chance for them to get back together.

Don't be accusatory or confrontational when you speak to her, just ask her why she keeps in contact with an old boyfriend and ask her if she still has feelings for him. If she doesn't give you a straight answer, that's not good. If she assures you there's absolutely nothing between them, that relationship was over, long ago, and you're the only man in her life or whom she loves, that's good. Hopefully she'll be telling you the truth.

If you ask her to stop contact with him, she may resent you telling her what to do, and want to communicate with him, even more. You can tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you'd appreciate it if she would stop being in touch with him. If he lives far away, or not in your immediate area, that's of some comfort, but if he lives nearby, you have no idea if the communication won't turn into her meeting him in person to reminisce about 'old times'.

Try to gauge if she's being unfaithful to you and if you suspect this, ask her about it, and tell her your feelings.

I hope everything works out for you!

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