replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply.
I'm so sorry you have all this on your head and feel so 'put upon'; however, you definitely have good reason to feel this way. Your husband is not being supportive at all, and I think you're so right, in your view, that he was broken by his first two marriages and you are left with the pieces.
Your brother in law is taking so much advantage of you both, and if your husband won't stand up for you, as a couple, it will fall to you, to say something to your brother in law. If you and your husband have money invested in this pizza business and it's equal or more than what your brother in law put in, you are part owners and definitely have a say in what's done. Re: the bounced checks: don't accept checks anymore. If the customer grabbed your deliver person by the arm, the delivery person needs to file a complaint with the police, or, as you stated, the owner of the business needs to file a complaint. If your husband and brother in law won't do, you do it.
When push comes to shove, which I think it has, as this situation is escalating out of control, in order to get your brother in law to be more 'helpful' and see things more your way, you might have to let him know in a very roundabout way that it's possible his wife might find out about his dalliance with the manager, and that would be so hurtful to him, her and their kids. It would be a shame, actually. Tell him to fire her. If you and your husband are part owners, you have the right to fire her and hire a MAN with good references (check them) and experience in this business, to be the next manager.
If your husband doesn't seem to 'hear' any of your concerns re: the business and/or his personal life, like drinking at the golf club and then driving home, you both need to see a marriage counselor/therapist to air all your problems and get in person help to resolve them, so you can preserve your marriage. If you are constantly unhappy and frustrated, and I don't blame you, one bit--I agree with you on everything you've stated--you need to take action now, and not let these situations fester any longer. Also, your husband may want to get help in stopping drinking altogether, so he's NOT getting behind the wheel after drinking, which is SO dangerous. Ask him not to discuss anything re: your relationship or the business(?) with your children. He shouldn't have said he was going to be in trouble with you, to your older child. The children should never be privy to problems between the adults (parents).
Going into business with relatives is almost always a dangerous and frustrating experience, and people usually warn against it. Your husband needs to not be so afraid of his brother and tell him like it is. Would you consider asking for the money you invested, back, and have nothing to do with the business? If you're able to do this, you might feel more secure about not losing your money, and have nothing to do with the place.
There's no reason for you to go in there with the fundraisers for your sons; your husband can drop them off/pick them up, and/or you can ask another local business where you shop all the time, if they would allow you to put them in there.
If the kids are going to be home now, for the summer, there's not much you can do re: another job, unless they're going to day camp or have other structured activities, but when school starts again, try to get a job at the cleaning company, again, or another part time job while the kids are in school. Instead of working for a company, could you clean houses on your own, a few times a week, and make your own schedule? You can advertise in your neighborhood, with fliers in stores, on windshields, and/or in your community newspaper.
I wish you much good luck in trying to untangle this big mess; you sound like the only one with a good head on her shoulders and feet planted firmly on the ground, in 'reality'. Your husband and your brother in law are in la la land, not facing the truth. As I mentioned, don't take this on yourself, ask for help from a counselor to help you make an effective plan, to at least safeguard your hard earned money invested in the pizza place, and make your husband see what's going on with the business and your marriage.
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
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