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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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This message is for Kim. I have been contacting her several

Resolved Question:

This message is for Kim. I have been contacting her several times over the last few weeks. It is in regard to my daughter who moved and met the guy. Well, he returned from his trip on Sunday. While he was gone he continued to stay in touch with her daily and even asked her about the color of her gown for the wedding of her brother to indicate he would go with hre. Now remember, she only met him two weeks ago. Well, he came to see her last night and stated that he did not think he was coming to the wedding and he did not think it was a good idea. he then said his phone was dead and needed a charger and went down to his car---or so she thought. She went down 10 minutes later but he was gone and has not heard from him. So what do you think now??
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


Wow that was an about face for him judging by the way he was so intentive towards her for so long. Something happened to change his mind the question is what happened? Either he went home and realize that he didn't want a serious relationship or partying and being with friends made him realize that is what he wants to do right now. If I were your daughter I would not give him a second thought and when or if he calls do not answer the phone show him it's not okay to just treat someone like discarded garbage after he was chasing her so hard. Either he met someone while he was home or had a revelation that he is too young to settle down with one woman. In this case your daughter's premonition was right. She had a feeling this might happen and it did, just take it as a lesson learned and don't look back. It may hurt now but at least it happened two weeks into the relationship and not years down the line when she invested all of her feelings and emotions into the relationship. What your daughter should do is write this guy a note telling him how she feels about the way he went about not seeing her anymore so that she can find closure without having to actually talk to him and then forget all about him and chalk it up to his immaturity and if that near death experience didn't make him a better person than nothing will and be glad she doesn't have to deal with him anymore. Don't let this man damage her self esteem or self worth.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi ,

It continues and my daughter really does not know what to do. He continues to text her telling her he is thinking of her etc. He calls and texts all the time. He showed up at her office before she left for the wedding. He texted her all weekend. What is you take on this?? Remember his words to her last Tuesday---he was not looking for a relationship------ but is he already in one????
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


No I don't think he is in a relationship and I think he was honest with her when he said he isn't ready for one either, I think going back home made him see that he is young yet and shouldn't be tied down but he cannot help his attraction for your daughter and may want to be her friend to start and then see where things head. What your daughter needs to figure out is if she truly wants to see how things go with this guy, it's obvious that he isn't quite sure what he wants in life and what path he wants to take and who he wants to take it with, Your daughter needs to get strong and just come out and ask him what he wants from her with the way things went on Tuesday it makes everything up in the air again. If he continues to say he doesn't want a relationship and only wants friendship then your daughter need to have less contact with him and not talk to him everyday. Show him that either way she will be fine with him in her life or without as long as he knows she may be there waiting for him to make up his mind he will continue to treat her that way. If he knows that she can very well move on without him he will see that the ball is no longer in his court but in your daughter's court and he may try harder or give your daughter a chance. Like I said before your daughter has to learn her worth and realize she deserves so much more than what he is now giving her.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
but the thing she is confused on is friends do not say and do the things he is doing      you do not text for hours and want to see her everyday and that is what is confusing her. She pretty much told him upfront she was very hurt by his words and treatment and that is when all this attention started again. She is just afraid to be hurt again.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If she is afraid of being hurt then I wouldn't invest much of her feelings into this guy because he seems wishy washy about his feelings and what he wants especially from your daughter. I would limit the amount of communication she has with him and texts she replies to this way he will know that he cannot have his cake and eat it too. She has to be very careful because she seems to have developed feelings for him and now she doesn't know how to protect her heart but it's crucial that she doesn't let him see that she has developed feelings for him but I truly think he has feelings for your daughter but there is something holding him back and your daughter is going to have to figure out what that something is, it may be the life change event that happened in his life that has made him this way and makes him want to live life to the fullest without anything or anyone holding him back.

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