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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21422
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Is it ever okay to be with a married man I became involved

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Is it ever okay to be with a married man? I became involved with one 1 1/2 yrs ago. At the time he and I were looking for places to live and talked about spending our future together. He changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife. He wants to continue our relationship as he says he loves me and I do love him. I decided to continue. Our time together is limited, but we see each other a few times a week and take time off here and there. It's just so heartbreaking for me since he changed his mind about moving forward with us. Most of the time we part I am crying because I don't want him to leave. We all work together. Me, his wife and him. I have to face her everyday at work. I feel like (and have tried) I want to end it sometimes, but that just makes me feel depressed. Staying with him makes me feel a little better (though depressing too). I love him and feel he would make the perfect partner. What do I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

In direct answer to your question, no, it's really not ever okay to be with a married man, and I think you've learned why, considering your own situation. It IS very sad and taking a toll on your emotions, because you can't have him all to yourself, and he has already expressed to you that he will not leave his wife.

The fact that you all work together, is just so difficult for you! I really feel for you, as this adds so much to the emotional turmoil other people would not encounter, while seeing a married man.

I think you should try harder to end it, and put yourself back out there (if you've ever taken yourself 'out' of the dating scene), and find someone who's available and single. While I know it's more difficult in these economic times, for anyone to find a job, if a person has been laid off, etc., I would not recommend quitting your job, BUT, if you could find another job that was just as good, money-wise, and you'd be happy doing it, I think you'd feel better not having to go to work every day and facing him and his wife. I think, if this is at all a possibility, you'd be much happier, just cutting the ties and not having anything further to do with him. There's no future in it, and I know you know that. There WAS a time, when you thought (because he said so) that you might have been together because he implied (or said) he would leave his wife, and then he did a complete turnaround on you.

You were weak, you do care for him, so you consented to starting it up again; you're torturing yourself. Steel yourself to tell him it's over, and find someone else to be interested in, or find several people to date at this time, so you can see who is out there, and who will make you happy. I think, once you're in a relationship with someone else, you will not think of him as often, and finally, not at all. Seeing him at work every day is a different story, but, again, if you can possibly find work elsewhere, this will solve some of your current problems.

I wish you much good luck and happiness in the future. Try not to repeat your mistakes and steer clear of married men.

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