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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21449
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I work with someone who I really care about. We became really

Customer Question

I work with someone who I really care about. We became really good friends about 12 years ago. We did sleep together one time however I was married so we left it with just that one time. My husband and I split about 5 years later and this person and I hooked up again soon after. This time he was dating someone so it went no where. So now it's 5 years later, he is single and I am in a realtionship. It's not a happy one and all I can think about this this person I work with. We had sex again about 2 weeks ago. He told me how much he cares about me and that I am very special to him. He says he regrets not being with me years ago. However after we slept together and got back to work on Monday, we haven't spoke about what happened. Normally I would see him 4-5 times a day and talk to him at least 2-3 times a day. Now it's all business and I have seen him maybe once or twice since we had sex?? Was I wrong about him? Does he not care at all? Does he regret the sex we had?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

It certainly sounds like you are starcrossed lovers, and it's possible that fate means for the two of you to be together, considering your history.

From your description of events, I think he may just want to play it cool and not allow anyone at work to suspect you hooked up, especially because YOU are currently in a relationship. However, because it's so difficult and frustrating for you to try to guess at his emotions and reasons for his behavior at work, it would be best if you just asked him why you hadn't seen him as often as usual, on that Monday, and if he regrets your last interlude.

If you feel comfortable speaking to him honestly at this time, and would like to be with him (in a relationship) and leave your current, unhappy relationship, think about how you would like to accomplish this, and discuss it with him.

His behavior does sound odd, so I don't think you're imagining things, but I do think it would be best to speak to him about it. Don't be confrontational, but try to ask the right questions to gauge his current feelings and how you should proceed, if the two of you want to be together.

I wish you much good luck, and hope things work out well for you!

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I tried to talk to this person but he cut me off and changed the subject. I really feel like I was totally wrong about his feelings and maybe the things he said was b/c he had been drinking?? I still haven't seen much of him since we had our night together about a month ago??? I am very confused. We did have a conversation about past realtionships a few days ago. He said that he is very shy and that he feels that he has let some very special women go in the past b/c he is not sure how they feel or too afriad to let them know how he feels b/c they might reject him. I wasn't sure if this was meant towards me or what. I didn't want to say anything about us b/c of the way he cut me off when I tried to talk about it a few weeks ago. I think I should let this go and move on. What do you think?

Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply.

I think your gut reaction was right, and you should let this go, and move on.

It's possible as you thought, that he said/did the things he did, re: your 'encounter', because he had been drinking, and/or what he just said to you re: regrets about past relationships and letting special women go because he was too shy or didn't know how to let them know how he felt may have been partially directed at you; however, if he is not the type to be forthcoming with his feelings, and tell you how he feels and what he wants, plus, he's giving mixed signals, I think you shouldn't have to 'guess' what he feels or thinks, and moving on is in your best interest.