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I am continuing a conversation started last week about my daughter

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movig to a new town...
I am continuing a conversation started last week about my daughter movig to a new town and meeting a guy at work. She is more and more attracted to him because of the constant attention he gives her. He sees her everyday. He has invited her back to his house where he lives with his parents to watch movies, etc. but she has not met the family yet. He is going back south tomorrow to visit friends since he moved north several months ago. He is returning to go to school where they both are and he no longer works for her. Her concerns-he has not kissed her yet and what if he doesn't come back? As I told you before, she has had bad relationships and trust is a hard thing for her. However, he seems to want to be around her. His sister flew in for mothers day so he hung out with them and my daughter started home early. Half way home he called her to see if he could see her. And yesterday on mothers day, when she got back he was around again. I really do not know with this generation
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 13 minutes by:
5/11/2009
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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If this guy was not interested in your daughter he would not be making the effort that he has been, your daughter has to trust that he likes her and doesn't want to hurt her or else she will never be able to have a healthy relationship if she is already thinking that it's going to fail. There is no quicker way to ruin a good relationship than to think negative about the person you like. If he meant any ill will against your daughter he would have stopped all contact when he stopped working for her. It's understandable that your daughter is a little gun shy when it comes to trusting in a relationship because of past relationship but not all men are the same and there are still some respectable men out there, she doesn't want to blow it if this could be the beginning of a good and healthy relationship. I think she would be better off going with the flow and don't think negatively about the relationship it just started so I would give it some time. I really don't understand why he hasn't kissed her yet unless he is a true gentlemen and wants to wait for her to be ready or maybe his family raised him to not be so pushy when it comes to things like dating and kissing in a relationship. Maybe your daughter should find out how many other women he has dated he may not be used to dating alot. Maybe if she finds out his family background and how he was raised she will better understand his way of thinking as far as dating is concerned.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
He told her that he had dated a girl for 5 years and they broke up when he was a freshman in college which would have been a couple of years ago. Her thinking with the kissing is that he only thinks of her as a friend , etc. But I have tried to stay out of it and only give her my opinion when asked and I said that friends do not see each other every day and etc. Is it possible that he does not want to really start a ""relationship"" until he gets back because they will be apart for awhile. Personally, I think it is a good thing he is going away for awhile.. I told her that gives him time to see if he misses her, etc and to see if he has contact with her while he is gone. She said he is so mannerly and charming but also has a cocky side to him
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

You're right this time apart with be the true test of how he feels for her and it will also give her time to work on the self esteem issues that she has about herself and her thinking she doesn't deserve a man's love and attention. It may have been a little too much too fast anyways and this will give them both time to see what they want and if it's each other they want. She may be confusing cockiness with self confidence something she needs to find in herself, the confidence to believe that she does deserve to be happy and loved and that looks shouldn't really matter it's the way the person treats them.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Well I keep telling her since he had an life altering situation with his tramatic wreck and hospitalization as I told you before, he may look at things differently. But she looks at it as life can change instanly and you would think he would not want to waste time. What is your thinking on that???
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

Usually when a person has a near death experience or life changing accident some people usually see life as a second chance and don't want to blow the second chance God has given them and what to enjoy every aspect of the life they have now and also your daughter doesn't really know if her type is the type that he has always liked. Not every cute guy likes the model type some think they are superficial and full of themselves. Maybe the experience has made him more laid back and less uptight and less apt to look at a person's outside than inside he might want to take things slow and make sure it's the right thing for him that is why it's very important for her not to blow it.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I really like the way you look at the whole picture. Mayber this will make her a little more relaxed. I am sure she did not look at it in that way.. Thank you for your insight. I really do not think she will do anything to blow this. She seems to really like him and it surprises me because she does not like cocky people.. But she says he is cocky but in a different way.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

Alot of people mistaken self confidence with cockiness maybe he is upbeat and happy about his life now and makes him come off as cocky.

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