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This is about my relationship with my mother. To make a long

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This is about my relationship...
This is about my relationship with my mother. To make a long story short there was a lot of yelling in my house tonight, mostly at my father. Instead of getting involved or upset I just walked away and took my dinner downstairs. She then starts yelling at my father about how I think I own the place and that I am ungrateful little bitch. I had made a joke about a present she had gotten saying there should have been two. I guess she was already in a bad mood because she didn't take it as the joke it was like she normally would. I came upstairs after finishing eating to get asked what my problem was. I explained to her what I said above and she mocked me. She then repeated all the stuff she had yelled at my father about me. I love my mother to death. I love her so much, but recently is getting difficult to be in the house. I am sick to my stomach with hurt. I can't stop crying. Help?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 42 minutes by:
5/9/2009
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 8 years ago
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Hello Kd,

It sounds very frustrating. Let me ask you a few questions.

What is your age?

Do you still live at home?

Has your relationship with your mom always been this way?

What made her start yelling tonight?

Do you yell at her and/or call her names?

How does your dad feel about it?

What are their ages?

What was the present?

Chase
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I am 23 and yes I still live at home. My mom has always said that she couldn't pay for my college, but as long as I paid for it I have a place to stay as long as I need.

My mom and I have always butted heads, but everyone says it's because we are so much alike. All of those times it only lasted an hour or two and then it was like nothing happened. My relationship with my mother has always been good.

I actually don't know what started the yelling because she was yelling at my father when I pulled into the driveway after work. It was something about the hot dogs we were having for dinner.

I only started yelling at her when she started to yell at me and mock what I was saying. I did not call her any names.

My dad is upset and angry. He doesn't really get to much into it.

My mom is 55 and my dad is 54.

My mom's co-worker either got or made her this brownie cake thing.
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 8 years ago
Thank you for that additional info. Well it's definitely wonderful that she allows you to stay at home while in school, it's a luxury I know you are grateful for while so many others are struggling.

As much as we don't want to admit it, our parents are our original teachers and we can sometimes be miniature carbon copies of them. As we get older, we develop more of our own personalities, likes and dislikes, but there are still things that may remain close to or identical to our parents habits. This can cause a parent and child to get along better or get along worse, and in most cases a little bit of both.

Since most of the time things simply blow over, that is most likely what will happen this time. Some people are yellers, some are not, and almost anything can start a yeller off. It's hard for them to know how they sound because they are so used to doing it. Videotaping them or tape recording them one day and lettin gthem see how they look and sound can sometimes help :)

One of the worse things someone can do is to mock someone. It's very hurtful and its the type of hurt that lasts longer than some others. If you think it would help, you could talk to her and let her know how her attitude towards you made you feel, both the mocking and calling you names. If you feel like you can't tell her, maybe you can write her a letter. Be sure to tell her how much you love her and want to be close with her.

I'm wondering if your mom has gone through or might be going through menopause which could account for some of the grumpyness and/or yelling over basically nothing. It's a hard time for a woman to go through and many do not know how to handle the up and down emotions and feelings that come with it.

I hope this helps. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
For the past year or so my mother has changed and I have just been playing it off to menopause. My poor father has gotten the brunt of it. It seems that she is always yelling at him about something.

I sometimes find myself walking on egg shells around her just to find what kind of mood she is in. I then try to carefully plan what to say around her. It is hard because even though you are trying to be careful it still seems to upset her.

Tonight was the worse it has gotten. I am the kind of person who just cries and am fine, but I have been crying for an hour and a half and I still don't feel better. It hurts so much that I hate her for what she said about me, but I still love her so much.

I have tried talking to her in the past, but it just makes things worse. She doesn't want to here it. I am actually trying to write her a letter now, but everything I write I end up deleting because I am afraid of how she is going to react to it. I am afraid that she will think I am b-sing her, which I am not.

It sounds selfish, but I just want to go back to when we would yell and it would blow over in an hour. I want to go back to when every little thing didn't cause her to blow up.
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