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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21388
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My ex is with someone right now and constantly hangs out with

Customer Question

My ex is with someone right now and constantly hangs out with them and ignores me when they are and lies if he is there. But she tells me she promises if I change we will be toghether and stuff. How do I get her back?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

How long had you gone out with her?

How long have you been broken up?

How long is she seeing the new guy?

In what ways does she want you to change?

Thanks for all your additional details.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

We were together two years.


Broken up not for long.


Shes been with him a week so far.


She keeps tellin me to listen to her and give her space and stuff.

Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

If she's only been with him for a week, so far, I don't think you have too much to worry about; however, you need to look at your relationship with her and be aware of the things that lead to the break-up. If she tells you that if you change, she will go back with you, do you know what sort of changes she means? I know it's not easy to change who you are, as an individual, and I'm sure that's not what she means. But, if you know the sort of things you did to make her want to break up with you, you can work on those things and stop doing them, so you can get back together with her and have a more harmonious relationship.

You can give her her space, to figure out what she wants, and even thought it's hurtful that you know she's hanging around with another guy, the two years you had together have to prove you were doing something RIGHT, so try to recapture what you were doing, that made her love you and made her stay with you. Concentrate on those things you did at the beginning of your relationship, which made you both happy and happy to be together, and try to do those things now, too. This is a good way to get her back. However, if she feels you're pushing too hard, and asked for some space, let her have it, but continue to stay in touch with her and don't sound jealous if she tells you he's there, etc., just play it cool, and concentrate on talking about her, and the two of you, together, reminding her of how things were so good, when they were good, in your time together.

It might take her a little while to get this out of her system, and realize she wants you back, but as difficult as it may be, always make her aware that you want to be with her again, but do it in a very that doesn't seem desperate or pushy. I think she'll appreciate that. Do little romantic things, like sending her notes (not too many at once), and perhaps small gifts, unexpectedly, just to let her know that you still care and want to be with her.

I hope things work out the way you want them to, and wish you much good luck!

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you. I have been buying her so many gifts. new phone and alot of stuff just so she will think of me. but she still stays with him. She says i need to change like lying to her, but I havent lied to her in along time. And now she always lies to me about what she is doing. I really want her back because she is the only person I see myself marrying and I am getting deployed soon and she is graduation H.S this week and the boy she is dating is a junior. I just dont see why she is with him...Im afraid she will never come back to me.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply.

If you are being deployed soon and you truly love her and want to make a life with her, you need to ask to see her alone (without him, of course), take her out to dinner or lunch, or invite her to your house or a park, or wherever you feel comfortable, and have a heart to heart talk with her, telling her how you truly feel.

If she is first graduating High School, she is very young, and if she's dating a junior, he's even younger, so I agree that that is not a smart move on her part; however, if she broke up with you for certain behaviors you were exhibiting, you'll need to tell her AND show her that you have changed and/or are capable of changing, so you two can get back together.

It's very nice of you to be buying her so many gifts, but I think it's enough, now. You bought her a new phone and other expensive (or inexpensive) things and you tried your best, XXXXX XXXXX up to her, what she wants to do and who she wants to be with. It's possible that she's just using this young guy, to make you jealous and show you she can get another guy, with no problem. If you want to get serious with her and proclaim your love, spend your life with her, as I mentioned, you need to tell her seriously and honestly, how deeply you feel for her and that you want to be happy (if she'll come back to you) and you want HER to be happy, most of all, but you feel she will be happiest with YOU. Then, give her her space to make up her mind and tell her you will not 'constantly' bother her, but she needs to let you know if she sees ANY future with you, and get her decision before you are deployed. Hopefully, it will be 'yes'.

I wish you the best of luck and hope the two of you end up together, if it's meant to be!


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