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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I am interested in this guy from work for the past 6 months.

Customer Question

I am interested in this guy from work for the past 6 months. We only have met once through work however we met yesterday and he was very open about his home life and how his mother was ill. I decided to take the plunge and ask him out for a drink but he turned me down and said the following 'I am he main carer to my mother is currently in pallative care and all my time has to go to her and find time to study for final year exams. I care my mother very much and just want to be with her at this time so I do not want to get involved with anyone. He said that he was glad I had asked him and you never know what happens down the line. I thanked him for his honesty and he held his 2 hands on mine and said that 'it was genuinely lovely chatting to you'. Do you think we might meet in the future and he might ask me out? I have only dealings with his office about once or twice per year so this limits the time I might get to see him.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I think if you want to wait for him then do that you really have nothing to lose but don't find yourself waiting forever. Allow him to take care of his mother and get through final exams but you can keep in contact through emails and phone calls if possible just to see how he is doing and show him that you support him. In time he may come around and realize that he wants more than just taking care of his mother and school but you have to appreciate a man that puts his mother first that show that he would take good care of the person he loved, how they treat their mother is a tell tale sign of how they would treat you. You are going to have to give him some time but wait as long as you are willing to wait. I think it is a very good chance that the two of you will meet in the future like the saying goes "You never know what the future holds" so keep the faith and at least try to stay in his life even if only as a friend right now at least you will still have him in your life.

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I understand what you are saying but the truth is that I barely know this guy and don't think I could be his friend. I would be professional with any work dealings with him but beyond that he might think that she is been nice possibly to get with me so the friiendship thing might be a bit much. If I were to be his friend I know myself and I could start thinking that this could lead to a realationship and I don't ever want to face that disappointment ever again.


Thanks for your advice though.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


Only you know what you are capable of handling and if you don't think you can be his friend first before dating him then that is your decision but he was honest with you that he is not ready for a romantic relationship right now. So if you feel you cannot separate your feelings for him then it may not be a good idea to try being friends. With that being said the best relationships are those that started out as friends. So just take that into consideration when making your final decision. Life is all about taking chances and possibly getting disappointed, there is no way of avoiding that but you have to appreciate the fact that he was completely honest with you and did not lead you on.