replied 8 years ago.
HiCustomer and thanks for your question.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this emotional turmoil, especially now, that you've had gall bladder surgery. I hope you begin to feel better, very soon!
I really feel for you; what you relate, regarding his 'non-answers' and uncharacteristic behavior, is of concern and makes you feel like he's 'blaming' you for something, when all you've been is nothing but great to him. In answer to your question, 'can you be too good to someone?', the answer is yes, and I think that may be what's influencing his decision with you. It's possible that he felt there was no more 'challenge' in the relationship, and he did become bored, because, everything he asked for, he got. I'm not saying you did anything wrong; just the opposite! HE is the one with the problem and he may have felt that things came too easily to him, and he's feeling somewhat guilty. He may be ashamed that he needed to ask you for loans (or gifts) for certain things he couldn't afford, himself, and that made him feel emasculated. He may have had a crisis of conscience and thought, I'm really taking advantage of her, I'm not a 'real MAN', and wanted to leave the relationship to avoid further embarrassment.
If you're sure there's no other woman involved, he could have become bored with the same routine and felt he needed a change. Again, nothing to do with YOU, you did nothing wrong, but some men, especially around this age, just decide they want 'something' else, but they don't know what! They become antsy and go in search of what they think is missing, but usually don't find it.
I understand how awful you feel and that you still love him and would like to be back together with him; you might have a chance at that, if you can convince him to go to couples counseling with you, to find the reason why he feels this way, and why he's so 'down' lately. His son said he was acting cold and distant, and it's possible that he's suffering from depression.
If he has been married twice and both his wives cheated on him, maybe he felt he wanted to make a 'pre-emptory' strike, first, before you would leave HIM. He may be feeling paranoid about your relationship and just can't put his feelings into words, because he doesn't KNOW the reason.
You've been very brave to not text, email or call him for the past 3 months, until you saw him yesterday. I think it might be a good idea to open the lines of communication again, with him, and at first, just ask how he's doing and tell him you're worried about him because he seems 'down' or troubled. You can do this in an email or text, but I wouldn't call him on the phone just yet. Tell him that you'd like to help him find out what's causing him to feel down, and that you miss him. After a few 'back and forths', make the suggestion that you feel a therapist or counselor might be a good way for him to 'unload' his problems, and get some real answers, to help him cope and feel happier. You can offer to go with him or to help him find a therapist and see if he is receptive to your suggestion. If he backs away from it, don't push, but tell him as long as he makes an appointment to see someone, that's fine.
It's possible that with time, he might realize how much he misses you and decide he does want to be with you again, but you can't put false hope into that possibility. Try your best to move on with your own life, and don't spend time dwelling on him; however, expressing your concern regarding his current behavior, which is not like him at all, and suggesting he talk it out with a counselor, would be appropriate. Then, gauge his reaction and take it from there.
I hope everything works out well for you both, and please let me know if you have any other thoughts, and would like to discuss this further.