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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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What to do when your husband of only one year would rather

Resolved Question:

What to do when your husband of only one year would rather take care of himself by jacking off to porn then wanting to be with you.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-How long has this been going on?


-What does he says when you want to get intimate with him?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I am 45 and my husband just turned 55.

I am not sure how long but I have a feeling that it has been going on for sometime

but I did not see it before we were married one year ago this month because we were not living together. He will say is that all you ever think about or I am tired. When we do

get intimate I have to ask for it and then there is not intimancy what so ever. It's not very often that gets off. Our realationship before we married it was everyday but he still then

did not always get off and more not then anything. I am a very highly sexual person and

I told him when we married that I expected sex on a regular basis. I don't like to masterbate but once in a while. I see what has happened to him through self masterbation and I don't want to ruin myself for him to enjoy. We have talked to our doctor and he will listen but he still won't chase me around the bedroom.

I am ready to take drastic measures. I don't want to lose him. Our doctor has told me that more then likely he will not change. I am willing to change myself, but how and in what way?


Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I think your husband has a sexual addiction to internet porn or porn in general most people with sex addiction have replaced the real thing with the fantasy of internet porn. He may need to see a sex therapist and not a Doctor like any addiction he will not be able to quit on his own he will need some help. Since it is affecting your marriage that may be something you want to consider. You shouldn't have to change to fit into your husband's sexual addiction it will only get worse and he may not be able to get over this addiction and he may replace you altogether with the porn, changing yourself is not the solution getting him help is the only solution. Sex addiction is an illness, when a person is a sex addict, they suffer from a disease which is incurable if he doesn't get counseling, it can progressive and capable of destroying their lives and their families as well.


The sex addiction could be managed with a recovery program and therapy without this he will not be able to escape his obsessive behavior. Similar to other addictions such as drug addiction and alcohol addiction, sex addiction is based on obsessive and compulsive needs like, masturbation, frequent use of internet porn. There is a number of things that your husband could do to get over this addiction including therapy and support groups, when sex addiction has progressed to a severe level, the sex addict is unable to resist the impulse to continue their behavior and often neglects their mate in order to get that satisfaction.


Sex addiction is treatable with therapy a sex addict can regain a normal life again. Inpatient treatment in counseling can be extremely beneficial to a sex addict seeking help for their problem. Many sex addicts will be in a state of denial about their problem but once they have admitted that they have a problem, they can begin the healing process. What you can do as his wife is be supportive and patient there will be times when he will backslide and look at porn but remember he has to take baby steps and if he quits cold turkey he will only go back to the same behavior.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.


Kimberly I do accept your feedback but there is another ? that arises from your reply.

Often a mate neglects his mate in order to get that satisfaction. I think he is at this

point being, He says he is tired and wants to sleep and as soon as i fall asleep

I wake up to find him at it again. After everything he is putting me through I am going

to need to see somebody to get over it what kind of support groups are there ? if any.

I feel now like I am being cheated on and he can't be trusted, I do beleive that he is cheating, he is cheating me out of pleasure that a husband and wife share.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


You are right he has cheated you in a way because the porn and the masturbating is his other woman now and that is all he wants now. there are support groups for spouses of sex addicts both online and sometimes in a city near you. If he is not willing to get the help you may have to leave in order for him to hit rock bottom and if you are not willing to do that then get the help for yourself so that you can become strong enough to leave and stand your ground where his sickness is concerned. He may not be ready to change yet but if he has already gone to talk to a Doctor about this he may be ready just talk to him about it especially a sex therapist.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you