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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21448
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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If I feel like I have a crush on my sister, how can I stop

Resolved Question:

If I feel like I have a crush on my sister, how can I stop it?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

How old are you and how old is your sister?

Do you both have the same parents?

When did you start feeling like this?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Well it's quite name isXXXXX am 20, and my sister is 29, she is one of 2 other sisters. She has the same mother but a different father, so she is only a "half-blood sister", but I was adopted at 3 days old and just recently met my biological family.. This sister was the first I found, and the most caring out of them all. I've only known her for a month now, and I've started feeling this way about a week after I met her. I was doing some reading online on the adoption websites tonight, and evidently it isn't so uncommon to have these feelings, its called "gentic sexual attraction" which is where in adoptive reunions the feelings, and desire to create a bond becomes overwhelming and developes into a sexual feeling... but unfortunately, none of these websites really explained how to deal with it... how to stop these feelings before anything goes wrong, because after finding her, I wouldn't want to do anything to scare her away!
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, Kayla, and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information.

I'm glad that you recently met your biological family; it must have been very exciting and very emotional for all of you!

Yes, what you read on the internet about 'genetic sexual attraction' is not uncommon, and it usually occurs because you are meeting for the first time, and it's almost like a 'dating' situation, where you want to impress the other person and it's a highly emotional time in your life, also. I understand completely that you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your newly found family, so you're doing the right thing in researching and asking about how to handle your feelings.

You need to remind yourself that she *is* your sister, related to you, biologically, although she has a different father. She's your 'half-sister', as you mentioned, and these kinds of feelings are not proper towards siblings, even half-siblings. You both carry the same genes/blood as your biological mother, so you'll need to concentrate on curbing your thinking of her in this way. When these thoughts occur to you, think of your mother and both your sisters, and how upset they would be if you were to act on your feelings. As you said, you wouldn't want to do anything to scare her away. Pretend she's your 'full' sister, from both the same parents, and direct your feelings elsewhere. Perhaps if you were to become involved with someone else, romantically, your sexual feelings for your sister would diminish, and then you could truly enjoy your new found biological family.

Usually, after knowing your new family for a longer period of time, things will settle into a more 'normal' sibling relationship, and that feeling of absence you felt before you found them, will decrease, as you 'fill in' your family with your blood relatives.

If you feel you cannot stop these feelings on your own, after an appropriate amount of time, it might be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or counselor, who has experience in this realm, and can help you, in person.

I hope things go well for you, and wish you much good luck and happiness.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Cher, I know it's a wrong feeling and I thought that hopefully the feelings will die down once I get to know the family better... In any type of relationship at first its always emotion filled. But I am very glad to know that I am on the right track to fixing the problem, as I said the websites online just tell about the issue, and no positive solution... But thanks to your advice, I feel like if I continue to fight against it, eventually it will work out and we will have a good sisterly relationship!


Otra vez muchas gracias! Tambien, Lei en tu profile que estudiaste y trabajaste en espana! Que ironico que la persona que respondio' a mi pregunta tiene experiencia en la carrera de traduccion, trabajo en un pais hispanoblante, etc. Esto es lo que quiero hacer con mi vida! Fui a espana dos veces, es un pais muy linda, no?


Bueno, gracias XXXXX XXXXX a hacer lo que me recomendio', espero que todo vaya bien, y que Dios te cuida!



Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
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