replied 8 years ago.
I'll be 26 in June, he just turned 32 in Jan.
We've discussed most of it in the past...
I realized it fairly early on, but I felt it was stupid to worry about something like whether or not he'd want to move out of the state when I finish school - in 6 years - when we'd only been together for a year or two. Stuff like that has been pushed to the back of my head ever since.
Here is an example: I work full time and go to school part time. I want to finish college (this is my 3rd attempt, and I'm determined), hopefully end up with a career I enjoy, and MOVE OUT OF INDIANA!!!! He doesn't want to leave here, ever. Also, I understand school isn't for everbody, but he is completely content with his life. He is 32 years old, works at a furniture rental company, likes the job, likes his co-workers and boss, and makes $10 an hour. Being stagnant in that type of position isn't going to facilitate moving in the future, enjoying vacation once a year, or *gasp*, EVER retiring. Also, his family is EXTREMELY religious (dad is a pastor).. I'm not. His sister finds it funny to jokingly call me an athiest. I don't have any major problems with them, but I don't love them.
I love him a great deal, and he's treated me better than anyone I've EVER been with. In any case, Monday morning he left for work and I completely freaked out for what appeared to be no reason. I was somewhat short of breath, my pulse was elevated (but not completely racing), my hands were sweaty, my face was red, and all I could (randomly) envision was being single, leaving him, hurting his feelings, destroying his life. He loves me so much - I swear I am his entire world. These panicky feelings have come and gone all week now.. I don't want to feel this way and I'm scared.
I've never envisioned marrying him. I'm just so scared to hurt him that much... Yes, I am afraid that I don't feel the same about him. As I put it to my dad (whom I tell everything to), all of a sudden when I'm around him, I feel like I'm hanging out with one of my friends, chatting with one of my friends, watching a movie with one of my friends - not my boyfriend. What just threw me for a loop was how sudden it was that I felt this way. Sunday we had a wonderful day, spent it together, went to a concert, had a great time, cuddled til we fell asleep. And then Monday came, and *poof*, I'm leaving for work early because I'm afraid of what I may say to him if he asks me what's wrong. God, it makes me feel so bad.
As far as being single, I'm definately not part of the majority in that I always enjoyed being single. I'm not afraid of it before and I'm not afraid of it now. Actually, when he and I first got together, I did like him terribly, but I was extremely sad at the thought of no longer being single. We have never really fought, but a recurring 'discussion' that we've had has been related to my independence - that I plan on not living here my entire life, and that that has been my plan since long before ever meeting him. He doesnt like it, but it is what it is.
I just feel like we've gone so far into a deep, serious, loving relationship.. I would personally be COMPLETELY devastated if the reason for my being turned to me one day and simply said "I'm just not that happy any more". I feel he deserves SOME type of reason, answer, or explanation. I'm extremely sad over it all, as I feel I'd be losing part of my self if I lost him, but I'm so torn now - It's a god-awful feeling. I'm sorry for the rambling. Did I make any sense?