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I just broke up with my girlfriend. I am pretty distraught

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about the whole thing. We...
I just broke up with my girlfriend. I am pretty distraught about the whole thing. We have been dating for almost 3 years. She has been really busy with work and I noticed a change in her interest in me. She mentioned she wanted a break because she needed her space. I really want to work things out. I know I should not contact her anytime soon because I don't want to bug her because she wants some time alone. Any suggestions?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 4 hours by:
3/14/2009
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Are you male or female?

 

-What were the issues in the relationship that made her feel she needed space?

 

-Do you think there may be someone else?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
What are your ages? I am 30. She is 23



-Are you male or female? male



-What were the issues in the relationship that made her feel she needed space?
She had the idea that we were going to get married in 4 years. In order to do that her parents wanted her to finish school. She was hesitant to go back to school because she was afraid of losing her job. She had a lot of pressure from her parents, work, and myself. I wanted to spend time with her because I missed her but she seemed too busy for me.

-Do you think there may be someone else? I asked her and she said no. She said she has been true to me the whole time we were together. She has been cheated on before and she would never want to put me through that.

-Could you explain your situation a little more? For the past 5 months I noticed a change in my girlfriend. It seems like she lost interest in me because she didn't call as much. She did not seem happy or excited about spending time together. I questioned her and she told me she was not a happy person. I think because of all the issues she was dealing with such as work and family. She seemed really tired all the time. She felt that every time she was with me she wanted to push me away. She wanted to make things better but it wasn't working. She could not even tell me she loved me. She told me she would have to do things for herself to make herself happy before she could make someone else happy. I still want to be there for her. How can I show her that I will wait for her and still give her space?


Customer reply replied 8 years ago
We have also been dating for 3 years
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

It sounds like she thinks you were dragging your feet about marrying her and she got tired of waiting for that commitment of marriage. What you need to do is to talk to her and tell her that you would marry her tomorrow if you could but you wanted to honor her parents wishes and that you are sorry that things ended up the way they did and then tell her that you will respect her wishes to have time to herself and that you just wanted her to know that you love her and will be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, if she knows that you are willing to give her time and care for her as a friend that might make her come back to you. You have to show her that you will wait by actually doing just that wait without being a pest and allow her to have that time alone. She may have felt like you took her feelings for granted because she never got that date or possibly a ring. Show her that not only are you her love but you can be a good friend also. If she loved you at all she will not just jump into another relationship because that would only be rebound dating and that never works out.

 

I would give her one to two weeks before contacting her again after that and then when you call don't talk about the relationship or getting back together talk about how she is doing, don't mention about missing her unless she mentions it first only talk about the relationship if she initiate the conversation. In time she will see that you are the best man for her but you have to be willing to work on getting her back which may mean doing as she wants and possibly getting married and you have to make sure you are willing to do that and want to do that. I would give her at least a month or two and then ask her if the relationship is over and whether or not you should move on with your life with out her, by then she will have had time to think about what it is she really wants and hopefully she will see that being back in the dating scene isn't that easy anymore. Just be patient and move at her pace.

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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