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Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend and I have been living together for 9 months and

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 9 months and so far, he has done everything in his power to keep me from seeing him completely nude. I am not shy around him and make no issues either way as to whether he sees me nude after shower, etc. Sex is very 'traditional' for us with no creativity at all, lights low and no peeking so to speak. I'm 52 and he is only 40, one would think the circumstances might be reversed. He is shy in no other way and to hear him talk around the guys, well, he talks the talk that all guys like to do, never anything to do with sex of course, but little things (like me seeing him nude). What's up, and how can I bring him around, so to speak. Not looking for exibitionism, I just want him to be more comfortable around me with his body. In all other ways, he shares more than any other man I know about emotions, feelings, etc., part of why I fell in love with him. We're perfect together in every way except the bedroom.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
What does he say when you tease him about it? any reasonings?


How much of his body have you actually seen?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

He just tries to brush the subject under the rug so to speak and tells me that's not the case.

I have seen him totally nude twice, but once we were in the shower and he stayed as close to me as possible so that I couldn't really look 'down there'. I forced the issue by bending over to grab the shampoo, but that was only a fleeting second and the other time, was purely accidental, when he realized I was in the room, he actually put his hand in front of his private area. I felt bad for him at that point.

Please note, he is a very handsome man. When I met him, I thought he could have any girl/woman that he wanted and was completely suprised when he showed an interest in me.

Another thing, his mother is overly puritanical and I truly believe she has in some way warped him. (From other family stories I have heard)

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

What other information do you need? He is an alcoholic who was drinking, but not heavily until 4 months ago, now a committed AA member and I'm very proud of him.

He tells me that I'm the first woman he has fallen love with him who is actually good for him.

He has been twice married, the first time for less than a year, the second time to a woman who did and still does take pills.

He/we have custody of 2 of his 3 children, girls ages 8 and 9.

I am the primary caregiver as I do not work, and he has been an inhouse treatment facility for alcohol for the past 3 months, due to come home in 23 days. He has been able to come home on weekends.

His mom, bless her heart, had a cow when she found out that when the girls cousins stayed the night (girl 6, boy 8) I allowed the 8 year old boy to sleep in the same room with all the girls. Here is where I think some of her ways may be the root of his problem.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
What more information do you need? I thought this was going to be something that I could look into before the kids got home from school or he got home from work, which will be soon for all.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Is my problem that unique that you have to do alot of research before giving me an answer? I am trying to accomplish this in confidence however my boyfriend will be home from work soon. My assumption was that this was going to be a relatively quick question and answer session.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
what other information do you need?
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Saw a brief message that this was going to be handled with 'high priority', what other information do you need?

Confused and Frustrated and I certainly hope you haven't charged my credit card with anything. As stated there is only a charge if I am satisfied and so far, Frustrated is as close as I can come to any reaction at all.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Jlucky,

I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX been having site issues and consequently I did not see your response. I came in the category to double check all of my questions and saw your response. If I ever don't respond right back, you can send an email [email protected] and let them know you are looking for me. Again, I apologize.

I read everything you said, and it seems like he does have an issue with his penis. This could be related to size, something a woman has said to him at one point, or something from his family life, possible his mother. You said that you've been intimate with him, and I did not hear any complaints from you, but that doesn't mean that he still doesn't have an issue with his size. He could have some kind of mark on it as well that he is self conscious about.

This can be gotten past with time, but not by force. The more intimate you are with each other, it will be possible for him to open up more as he trusts you. You can start by doing small things, nothing too noticeable, and always very sincere. When you make love, be sure to mention over the next day or two what you liked about it. You can compliment him on different things. You can tell him if you like his legs, his back, his hips, as close to 'that' area without actually saying that area. You can stroke his lower back and tell him what a sexy spot it it. Tell him how you love his legs. Eventually when he's more comfortable, you can tell him how much you love his penis, and how it turns you on (that is if you feel comfortable saying so), how you enjoy making love to him, how much fun it is, how sexy it is, etc. After a while of doing this (again, not over-doing it). You can start talking to him about how you love to see him with no clothes on, etc.

In the meantime, don't bring it up, don't talk about it, don't try to force him in any way and especially do NOT tease him about it at all. Men cannot take teasing the way women can. In fact, if you are in the shower, or you come across him nude, maintain eye contact, walk up to him, kiss him, hold him, but don't look down. After a while he won't feel that its a focus and will be more comfortable about the whole thing.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.