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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I need help with my relationship situation

Customer Question

I need help with my relationship situation
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello,Customer and thanks for your question.

If you can explain your situation with as much detail as possible, I would be happy to help you!

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>Hello,</p><p>well im havin mixed messages from my ex Tom. He lives in London and im currenty in Walsall. But im moving bk to london in August. </p><p>When we 1st met we rushed into getting together after the 1st night, then we split up and its been an up and down rolacosta friendship since then. </p><p> </p><p>We got together in October last yr and have had an on and off friendship ever since. Iv told him countless times that i really like him still and that i would really like us to give it another try. And everytime iv said it he's said no we are staying friends. </p><p> </p><p>He thought it would help me by saying i could be his bestt friend. So since middle of jan this yr, we have been getting along as mates and we have been getting closer. A few days ago he was with his friends in her car and i avnt met them and they havent met me, but they were talking to me because tom ad put me on load speaker. And they kept askin why i wasnt with tom, i should get with tom, im lovely ect ect</p><p> </p><p>Then i noticed tom hadnt said anything, and normally when someone mentions us getting back together hes the 1st to pop up and say somethin, but he never. So i said hes my ex. And then they wer like ooo awww u need to get back together, and all this, then Tom told em that he was moving in with me when i move to London. </p><p> </p><p>Anyway i had said bye to em all, and i got the feeling they were still talking about me and him getting back together. We'll that night he went to the cinema with the girls and this lad who had treated him like shit, and when he told me who he was with my mood had changed towards him. And he had noticed. so i told him i was goin to bed and i didnt want to talk to him.</p><p> </p><p>Ye i was jealous, from the side of me that wanted him back and from tthe best friend side i was annoyed because he was with him.</p><p> </p><p>I woke up at half 3 in the morning and switched my phone back on and he had txted me asking why i was being off with him so i texted him and told him how i felt and i was annoyed by him going to the cinema with that lad. and he replyed about 10 that day with "k. that was your last chance. take care laters"</p><p> </p><p>So we ended up arguing, and he brought up when he was in the car with the girls and said " To think i was thinking about getting back with you". And i started crying and said dont you dare use that against me. And he replied with, im not lieing. But shows you dont know anything.</p><p> </p><p>So i calmed down and he rang me and we talked about it andd sorted it out, then he went out on friday, and i didnt hear off him all weekend, yesterday i messaged him asking what was up because i hadnt heard from him and if i had done anything. and he said nah you havnt, but iv had words with Dom. Know Dom is Tom's ex who also doesnt want me or tom together. So he went quiet on me, so i was messagin him msn and txting him, and i said in 1 of them, "Please dont be like this with me i havnt done anything wrong =(... will you call me?" and he sent me a txt back saying "No, i dnt want to start getting feelings for u again"</p><p> </p><p>So i started crying again, i sent him a massive email and he txt me and sed he hadnt read it he ad deleted it. So i just got into bed and cryed myself to sleep. He then rang me at half 2 and said i want to talk about this, i want to sort it out. So tell me what u said in the email, so i told him bits of what was in it an how i felt how much i liked him to the extent of saying i was inlove with him. andx then he said ok, know ill say what im feeling. and he said he had given me ennough chances to change, he thought it would of been good us getting back together because we were getting on and getting close.</p><p> </p><p>His head is sayin just get rid of me, but his heart is say no give him another chance, he knows how much he means to me and all he cud say is hes sorry, and iv gotta trie and not feel it him, so when he hung up i cried yet again, iv woke up this mornin and deleted his number, deleted him off my msn and my facebook.</p><p> </p><p>But i cant help but think that we will end up getting back together. Thats why i need help. Iv been on here before because i was having problems with another ex, so i sent the women who was helpin me a picture of him and us two together to see what she could see about him, if you would like 1 of Tom then ill b happy to send 1.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel Zak Roberts </p>
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, Daniel, and thanks for your reply.

I'm going to ask the other relationship expert (Chase) who helped you in the past, if she will be able to answer your question this time, since she is familiar with your situation from before. If she is not available, then perhaps another relationship expert will step in.

I hope everything works out for the best for you!

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Danny,

Is this the same man we were talking about before?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>Hello Chase,</p><p> </p><p>No i finally knocked him on the head, he accused me of rape so i couldnt bring myself into gettin involved woth that kind of negativity in the end.</p><p> </p><p>This is my ex Tom, did the other lady send you the infomation i sent her?</p><p>And would you like me to send you a picture of him like i did with Mikey?</p><p> </p><p>Danny</p><p> </p><p>P.s nice hearing from you again =]</p>
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Yes Danny, I am able to see the other information. Yes, send me a picture [email protected], and I will get back to you tomorrow.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hey chase i sent u a picture of him last week, i dunno if u got it but if u did, hes the 1 wiv the spikey hair.

I really hope u can help me on this 1 like u did wiv mikey

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Danny, can you send it again for me? [email protected], attention Ms Chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>ok iv sent it, wen uv seen it and told me wot u think ill tell u wots happened wiv us so far. Everythin as gone from bad to rele worse</p><p> </p><p> </p>
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Danny,

I've been working long hours, but I will always get back to you. I'm sorry to hear that things have gotten worse. I did see the picture, you both have spikey hair, lol, but I remember what you look like from your other pictures. He's a little prize isn't he? quite adorable, and you look like you are very happy to be the one who's caught him :)

Tell me what's going on.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
He is very attractive isnt he. And i really like him after everything that as happened.

Basically, i met him a week after meetin him online, i went to his house in London and we got together. The next day we was sittin in his dinning area and we was talking an he said we had rusheed it, at 1st i was hesitant to change the subject but i later agreed with him.

That night we went out and i was really upset so we ended up arguing and stuff, then we went to heaven (a gay club in london) and i was gettin attention off ppl and i didnt realise i was until my mate said the next day, but that night we was in heaven and we was there 4 about 2 hours and Tom wanted to go home because he was tired so we left, we got back to his and he had to clean the house so i offered to wash up.

While i was doing it he came and put his arms around me and started kissin me, notin in mind that he said we had rushed it and we split up the day before.

Anyway we had sex that night, and the next day i was really upset, to the point were i called my mate back home and i was crying my eyes up to him on the phone.
We finally got home back to walsall and Tom had come back with us, because he thought we was going out clubbing to the lion, but when we got back it was 1:45 am i really couldnt be arsed so we ended up arguing and fighting in my kitchen.

He said all this stuff to me and i said some stuff to him and he said he was never speakin to me again and i hadnt got a chance to ever get back with him.

This all happened in October of last yr, we started speaking again in December, i brought him a present and posted it to him and that got us talkin ageain. Know he still said we wasnt getting bk together, so we became really close as mates.

And he used to ring me aaaaaaaaaaaaaall the time, text me, email me everything. Then one day he rang me when he was wiv his 2 best mates and they kept saying to me "Why arnt you with tom u shud get wiv tom." Know normally if anyone mentions me and him and anythin like that he jumps up straight away and says nah we mates and nothin more but he never said anything, so i sed to them " im his ex" and they were like "oooooh ok ye well get back with him we want you to" amd still he didnt say thing.

So that night he rang me again and he said hello baby ect ect, im just in the cinema, and we was chattin, and he said i gotta go know cuz lucy and chris are coming back, so i was like ok then babe ill speak to u afta.
Then it clicked who chris was, it was a lad Tom had told me he was seein who cheated on him and i told him to ring me back, so he did and i was being off with him and he knew i was.

So then i told him not to ring me and i turned my phone off, and the next day we had another arguement, things were said from the both of us, he said i havnt changed from when he came here, and then he said " and to think i was thinkning aboiut getting back wiv u" which really f**ked my head up because he as always said we wasnt getting back together ever. So i said dnt you dare use that agianst me.

And he said he wasnt he was telling the truth.

So then we made up and on the thursday i heard from him once, friday/saturday and sunday didnt hear anything. The he came online and i asked him why he adnt been intouch and he didnt answer me so he went off line and i text him the same question and he text back becuase i dnt wanna start getting feelings for you again,

SO then i was crying, and he wouldnt listen to me, i sent him a massive email explaining my feelings 4 him and what he meant to me, and he txt me and sed "i havnt read it iv just deleted it" so i sent it 3 more times and he said the same thing.

So then i started chatting to his mates lucy and kat who was the girls in the car wiv him when they were askin me to get back with him. And they told me i could do so much better, and i was thinkin, 2hold on ur his best mates u shudnt b saying that surely =s" and they told me all this stuff about him i didnt think he was like.

They said he was a compulsive liar, a thief. Anything he said was a lie, but every1 listens to him because its entertaining.
He tried stealing Kats phone when they all went out and hid it behind his sofa when they got back to his, they only found it because he hadnt switched it off and it rang. The one of his lad mates named Alex who know is good mates with me, said hes the biggest slag in Soho, majority of the heaven club know of Tom, he sleeps wiv the oweners of G-A-Y and Heaven, he sleeps with anyone who is offering it.

And all this became a shock to me. Know me, lucy and kat had to keep it from tom that we was tlking cuz he wouldnt like it, and i never understood why i wasnt aloud to talk to em, but i found out why. Becasue of what id find out about him.

The other night he was at lucys and he saw what i was saying to her becuase he told Kat some stuff about me that wasnt true, so i told lucy to see if she had heard it but he saw it and phoned me threatenin me down the phone, gonna smash my head in and all this shit. And since tthen i havnt heard off him again. This was laast week this happened.

Hes made lucy and kat delete me on Facebook and MSN, so yea its been really shit and i know have lost the lad i wanted to get back together with when i moved back to London this year.

The plan was he was gonna come live with me and we would go halfs on everything with each other. But know he wants me dead and to NEVER talk to any of his mats again.

So you see chase imm in a bit of a pickle here lol
Hope u can read it haha im noddin off here.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Wow thats a whole lot going on there. He looks to have been through a lot, and has some sort of pain from something in his eyes, which might explain why he lies and does other things to put himself in control. Giving in to him and telling him how much you want him, love him and want to be with him wont work with him, he is better caught when he thinks you might walk away from him.

Do you find that you are attracted to guys with issues? Have you ever been in a relationship where the other person did not have tons of issues?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>Do you know what chase, i said exactly the same thing to my mom, i seem to attract ppl with issues and a load of shit in there past. And i dont understand why.</p><p> </p><p>But me and Tom met ova facebook, he messaged me and asked 4 my msn address and thats how we started talkin. What you said about him with having pain and other stuff u can see with his eyes, my auntie (who does the Reiki) also said the exact same stuff to him when i took him roundd her house.</p><p> </p><p>She said we dont belong in a relationship we deserve to be friends because it seems better, and he told her a lot that had happened to him, but afta bein told hes a compulsive liar i dont believe annything he told her!!</p><p>But its wierd because we met other facebook, and i mean im not the best lookin lad in the wolrd and Tom is drop dead gorgeous, yet out of the intire population of facebook he messaged me!!!</p><p> </p><p>And at 1st we clicked, and we got on really well. There wasnt a moment gone in the day were i didnt hear from him.</p><p> </p><p>I do really like him, and now afta everything that has happened i have lost him completely, he even said when i move to London in August not to even look at him or talk to him. So i said fair enough i dnt give a shit.</p><p> </p><p>But i went to see Rose (the fortune teller) in walsall on wednesday and i toldd her everythin, because she treats me as if im part of the family know and i get on iwv her grandson because he fancies me. And she warned me aaaaaages ago tthat there was more to him then met the eye, stuff i would find out from a massive row. She as told me that he will get intouch, and im not to appologize for anything.</p><p> </p><p>But i dont know why i seem to go with lads who have a bad past or back ground, i dunno what is it. they just seem to attractt to me, i said to my auntie, i probably have to help them in someway i dont know. But i really like tom, and hes the ONLY lad that when i was with i never spoke about Mikey once.</p><p>And i really wanna get back as friends 4 when i move to London.</p><p> </p><p>Lol you know what chase i could write a bloody novel!! haha</p>
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Pehaps you should try to write. Start out with a blog right? I agree with Rose, apologize for nothing. Do you want to try and talk about why you choose the wrong type of people? Tell me what it was like for you growing up, the good, the bad....who are you close to now? who were you close to back then? Were you always into guys? Why do you think you aren't the best looking guy?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
<p>Heyloooo chase, sorry i avnt been intouch, been a bit heptic. Iv been waitin to start work now since january wiv BUPA, care work and still waitin 4 my last bloody refrence to come threw!</p><p> </p><p>Its gettin to me becuz im plannin o deffently moving to London in September and hopefully gettin a transfere. And its makin me worry. Rose as already told me i will b goin to london, and i will av a job but its rele just playin on my mind like.</p><p> </p><p>Am i being stupid?</p><p> </p><p>As for the situation wiv tom i aint fussed ova him anymore. I know that wen i move he will wanna know me agen cuz ill b in london and ill b gettin attention off all the lads as il b the new lad on the scene. So wot eva happens wiv me and him well, all i can do it wait and see i guess.</p><p> </p><p>HOw have you been anyway?</p><p> </p><p>daniel x</p>