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Lively, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 260
Experience:  Doctorate in Clincial Psychology, experience in individual, couple, and family therapy
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Hi ma and my partner have a little boy who is 7months. He is

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Hi me and my partner have a little boy who is 7months. He is in the army and we have been together for 3 years. He signed off last year but with the recession we thought it would be better if he stayed in another 3years. So he signed back on and at first it was hard just being at home with a new baby and missing each other so much, but my friend told me he wanted to marry me. But when my partner and i were openly talking he told me he did but then decided he wasnt sure. Marrige is really important to me and we got into an argument so i ended up saying that it was fine and we would just see how things go. I feel a bit rejected, and when he has been home for the past few times (even before i knew about the marrige thing) we have argued and said horrible things to each other. I aslo feel so insecure about my body and all my family and his and him say i shouldve lost my weight by now. I feel like me and him are going to drift further apart. We hardly talk. When we were first toghether we spoke on the phone all the time and txt. It was so nice and it just feels its never going to be like that again. I love him and my son very much and he is the person i want to spend my life with. He said we should try for another baby when my son gets a bit older and our plan for the end of the year is to buy our first home together. When we were talking about marriage i told him it feels likehe doesnt want to commit to me but he said he is already commited by having a child together and planning to buy a house. Do you think i making a big deal over nothing? My parents divorced when i was 7 and my dad wated nothing to do with me, even wen i contacted him when i was 18. I just dont want a broken family for my son. I dont know how to resolve things with my partner. I never like to talk to deeply about how i feel to anyone and my partner doesnt always say whats on his mind either. We have had some of the happiest times of our lives together and when we are happy we are really happy, but i just feel like at the moment we never talk and we argue more than not
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lively replied 8 years ago.


Have you thought about couple's therapy? It sounds like you and your partner could use some help in communicating clearly with each other around what you want/need/expect from one another. Having a newborn baby, as wonderful as it is, creates a lot of new stressors on a relationship. It can also create dramatic changes in your identity and self-image- when you become Mom, and are also a partner, sometimes women lose their sense of themSELVES as separate people.


I would suggest that you both seek out a psychologist who can work with you and your partner as a couple, and also work on rebuilding your sense of self through connecting with friends, getting out by yourself, exercising, etc.

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