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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Help I slept with a male friend years ago when I was single,

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Help? I slept with a male friend years ago when I was single, we realised immediately it was a foolish thing to do, I don't know what his reasons were but I was lonely and he was there is my reason, we talked about it the day after and decided never to speak of it or repeat it...which we did. I have been with my current partner for 8 years now and i've never told him about what we did and he and my male friend have a really good friendship together and it'd kill him if he ever found out but it's too late now to confess but it's tearing me apart inside. I am faitfhull and honest, always have been but I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it so just stuck my head in the sand. He has asked me to marry him and I couldn't be happier, can I keep this "secret" forver? I think if I told him now he'd leave me as he'd feel terribly betrayed by us both. Am I a bad person for not telling him? Should I confess and take the consequences? Should I get over it and forget it and be happy?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

Hello Lendette13,


I think you should leave it alone since you slept together when you were single there really isn't any reason for you to feel guilty about doing it, you both were single and lonely. Marriage is about a new start forgetting all past indiscretions and starting anew with your husband. If you feel that guilty and feel the guilty will never go away then you need to talk to someone about that but I don't think it will do any good to tell you soon to be fiance' about it since it happened way before him and has he told you every partner he has ever had? Some things are better left unsaid so not to start problems where there doesn't need to be problems. We all do something that we regret and wish we could take it back but we can't and what good is it doing to keep thinking about it. Telling your partner will only make him suspicious of the two of you being around each other and make him have unwanted jealousy and if you have no feelings for this guy other than friendship then there is no reason to tell him. When you get married get married with a clean slate and let the past stay in the past and be happy. We are all human and err so don't beat yourself up with guilt.

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