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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Father-Daughter Problems

Customer Question

My father hasn't spoken to me in seven months. He hasn't told me why he's angry at me, but rather has made up lies about me and told them to the rest of our friends and family. He won't answer my phone calls, see me when I'm home from college, or open any of my letters. He has even stopped talking to my mother completely (parents are divorced), despite the fact that my younger brother still lives at home. What do I do to fix this when he won't even acknowledge my existence?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

What is your age?

What kinds of lies is he making up?

When did him and your mom split?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I'm 18. He told some of our family friends that I had been sneaking around behind his back (completely untrue), told my mother that I'd been lying to him since graduation (completely untrue), and told a friend of the family that I'd just decided to move out and move in with my mom two weeks before I left for college (completely untrue, I stay with her a week every summer, just as my brother does, and he knew exactly when that was going to be). On the last day of my week there, he had stopped by her house while I was working and said he was cancelling my car insurance (didn't give a reason), dropped off my spare keys, and told her I couldn't take any of my furniture (which he had already said I could take) when I moved out. He and my mom divorced when I was two, both have remarried, and he is now a widower. I would also like to mention that he started to be extremely unsupportive during the last half of my senior year, which was very unlike him. He was angry at me and told me to retake the test when my ACT scores came back a 29, didn't seem at all happy when the U. of Iowa offered me a major in biomedical engineering, refused to come to any of my school activities, actually laughed at me when I didn't get into my college of choice, refused to provide information to file a FAFSA (which has left me taking classes at a community college with student loans), and even criticized me when I got less scholarship money than another girl in my class. I'm not sure what caused this change or if any of that is related to his current attitude towards me. **Note: According to my mother, this is very similar to the way he treated her before their marriage started to deteriorate.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

I apologize for not responding sooner, I never received notification of your response.

It seems that he may have some issues with separation and may be feeling that you are leaving or deserting him. In his fear, he's turned the situation around and made you out to be the bad guy...this helps him deal with the separation easier.

It could be possible that he's suffering from depression and knowing that the two of you are going to be separated has really bothered him and caused him to act outside of his normal way. I would say that all of his actions are connected, and he may have become depressed when your leaving and going to college really dawned on him.

The only way you can address it is to approach him in person or keep writing him letters. Maybe there's someone in the family who can talk to him about it? It's not something you can 'fix' per say as you can't fix another human being, he is the one who's got to realize it's a problem and try to get help for how he's feeling and how to deal with those feelings. Try to let him know that no matter where you are in the world you will still love him and he will always be your dad, he may need those reassurances more than anything. i welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.