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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21419
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husbands family interferred in our lives and also put me

Customer Question

My husbands family interferred in our lives and also put me down (jokingly) in from of my husband and children. The anomosity in my relationship with them culminated in a rift with his sister after I asked her why she put me down to my daughter when asked a question about a situation. From that my sister-in-law said that I could 'cut her family out of my life" My husband has not been very nice about all this and has appeared to blame me entirely for this situation. I have indicated that I am quite ok with trying to mend this rift and he has asked his sister to do this and she has point blank refused. My son, husband 1 daughter still have a relationship with this sister which I find very hurtful as she cut me out of their lives...I just wanted to know why she had caused problems between myself and my daughter. When she refused him it was me he took it our on blaming me for everything that was ever said and telling me that she was not going to fix things as they 'disliked' me.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

It would be helpful if you could be more specific about how your husband's family (his sister?) interfered in your lives and how she put you down to your daughter.

Is your daughter an adult (over 18)?

Did you have a good or amiable relationship with your sister-in-law in before this incident?

How long have you been married?

In what specific way has he blamed you for everything? What incident/what words did he say that indicated it was your fault?

How often do you see his family?

I'll be able to send you an answer after receiving some more details about the situation.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Daughter asked advice from my sis as to why her father did not know details concering a problem she was experienceing dealing with an incident when she was young and my sis told her that because I wanted the limelight all the time that I did not tell her father as this would take the spotlight of me. I had told her father but he did not want to discuss the problem. She has also spoken to only my husband concerning things to do with our children and was also very jealous as her and my husband are only children and were always close and she did not appreciate it when we married 40 years ago, all children now adults. We got on reasonably but this issue was 'festering' and she always very 'superior'. He was quite nasty to me after he asked his sister if we could fix this situation and she refused. I have been willing to let it all go for quite a while. He thinks I should never have questioned her about the incident with our daughter as this was the reason she said whe would have nothing to do with me again...she also cut me off from her children who I had been quite close to. My husband is okay as long as they are not referred to or spoken about in any way. I think we should be able to discuss this issue but he says it should be left alone. I would really like him to acknowledge that she is the one with the problem instead of bringing up all the crap that has happened over the years and telling me that it can't be fixed because they don't like me.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

Considering everything that has already taken place, I don't think the players in this situation are going to change their minds. I agree with you completely, that your husband should definitely acknowledge his sister acted inappropriately, and he should take your side, not his sister's. It's very difficult for a spouse to have to make a choice to side with family or his spouse, but once you're married, even though family is family, your husband/wife, should be the person closest to you, always.

If your husband seems to have his mind made up and refuses to discuss this unfortunate situation any further with you, you'll have to let it go. It's unfair, frustrating and not right, but you have to live with your husband and if you were to make anything bigger of this, remember one thing: his sister will LOVE to see discord between you. Don't give her the satisfaction.

It's upsetting to find out that his family doesn't like you, now (I'm sure you had hints over the years) since you've been married 40 years,
and they must be very short-sighted people. It's too bad your children have to be involved in this, and your sister in law's children, as well. Life is short. Do what makes YOU feel best, XXXXX XXXXX mind that your husband and your children always come first.

It's hurtful to you that your children and husband continue to have relationships with his side of the family, in particular his sister, but if they won't listen to reason, there's not much you can do but accept the situation and move on. It's a little 'late', after joining his family 40 years ago, for all this nonsense to come about, now. Steer clear of them as well as you can, and remind your children where their allegiance should lie.