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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My girlfriend and i broke up because i have mono. She told

Customer Question

Here is the story: This girl i met is amazing, i love her and she loved me too. We had much troubles from her ex-boyfriend because he was her first and she still loved him. Eventually she had got away from him and she cared about me so much. Im the second guy she had sex with. I guess there is no permanent attraction for being the second guy. I know she loved me but all of a sudden she says that we are getting too serious. And i agree. We were, we were even going to move in together after knowing each other for 3 months. I got very ill and she cared for me. She was the best girlfriend you could ever ask for. Although she has been having many problem with friends and family and she said she felt empty. I thought i was that one guy that could keep her full and happy. It wasnt working. Since im a christian and her family is too, i said that she should check her relationship with God. She said he ruined her fun, i kind of was upset that she said that but she didnt mean it to come out bad. She is an amazing person but i feel her ex (who was an asshole to her for 2 years) has messed her up. She isnt confident anymore she is always confused and idk if i can help her. She and i broke up because i found out my illness was mono. She told me it was a real killer to our relationship and her attractiveness towards me dwindled. She still likes me but says that she wants to be alone. And that she will want me later in life and that she is scared that when she wants me back i will have another amazing girl and that i "wouldnt look her way". Im a nice guy, i love her and will care for her always. But recently she has been very distant and ive been kind of sad. I tried not talking to her to see if she would miss me, but i know she really doesnt. She wants to be alone really bad. I told her im srry and she said i shouldnt be. She said i did nothing wrong. She said that It wasnt my fault that i got mono and that she cant control how she feels. Im so confused and i thought it was kind of mean to be from loving each other to her leaving me when im sick. But i understand because who willingly wants to get mono right? She is confused about a lot of things and i feel like i cant leave her and i just want to be her friend. Will it be awkward if i just try to be her friend? like can it work? i really dont want to lose her. Should i leave her completely alone and try to deal with it myself? Or should i just deal with just being her friend? I know she needs one and i really want to be there for her so that one day she will see that ive been great to her since i met her and that maybe she will love me again for not leaving her in her most troublesome time. I LOVE her and she knows that. But she might make it weird for me to be her friend. She doesnt need anymore problems and i really dont want to be one of them. I want her to miss me and care for me like she once did. I could only pray that one day she loves me back as much as i did to her. But what if she goes back to her ex... he was her first, by means of losing her virginity. So she has love for him and likes me. What can i do??
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


It's possible for you to be friends if that is all you can be right now but you have to be able to separate your feelings from relationship to friendship and not have those feelings and urges to act as if you were boyfriend and girlfriend like you have in the past, with that being said I want to add that having her in your life at all is much better than not having her in your life and though it did seem a bit mean to leave you while you were sick and needed her most, she was honest with you about her feelings and that is all you can ask for though it hurts it will be easier to heal because you weren't left wondering why and if you are wondering why it's time for you to ask her why and what happened. She may be immature too immature to take care of someone that is sick or maybe she was afraid she would get mono from you, you really won't know until you ask if that is a question you want answered.

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Do you have any advise on how to do this?: "you have to be able to separate your feelings from relationship to friendship and not have those feelings and urges to act as if you were boyfriend and girlfriend" I have tried it before but i couldn't handle it and me wanting to be closer to her initially pushed her away farther. What do you feel are steps I should take to get through the transaction from acting as if i were in a relationship to friends?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


What I would do is first give yourself some time to grasp that you are no longer together, second don't take on the friends role until you know you can be just her friend for now, love her but not in a way that you want to be with her romantically, third when you think you are ready to be just friends give two weeks to make sure it isn't too awkward for you but if it is awkward don't try to lie to yourself and say your are okay with being friends if you aren't. Only do it when you are ready and able to separate the two. If you need more time then give yourself that make it on your terms and condition.