replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with more information.
Please don't apologize; there can never be 'too much info'! : ) I'm glad you included all the details you did, so I can get a better idea of the situation you're going through.
I think he's basically a selfish person who's always wanted to get his own way, but he does have his good qualities, and has shown you his loving side because he does care for you. If people who know him well, and have seen him with other woman, told you that they've never seen him so loving with another woman, I don't doubt that's true. His personality is cast and has been reinforced, all his life. He can't help the way he acts or RE-acts, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. OR, he may know he's not acting very appropriately, but can't help it, because it's just part of the way he's built.
In situations like this, his 'bad' behavior is who he is and when he acts tender toward you, he means it, he just can't be 'that' man, for too long; he doesn't know how and it takes too much work. You are not doing anything wrong and I do think he's that into you, he just is incapable of acting any other way.
The only thing I can suggest at this point, is having a real heart to heart discussion with him, bringing up all your concerns, and being honest, but not in an angry way; no yelling, no accusations, just letting him know how YOU are, and how you act in a relationship, which after all, is a 'give and take' situation, and a 'compromise' of sorts, and that you always expect to be treated nicely, although you know all relationships are not 'sunshine and lollipops'; they have their 'bumps', and if the feelings are there, the bumps can be successfully dealt with. Listen to what he has to say, and if he says he'd like to try more or he'll be 'better', tell him you'd like to make it a 'game'. Every week, you will each do something for the other person, to make him/her happy, even if it's something you don't particularly want to do. This is a good 'unselfish' test, to see if he's capable of doing at least one thing for you, that he wouldn't ordinarily do. He might agree, and surprise you, by following through, or truly not be able to, but if he tries, that's worth a few points!
Your happiness is important and if he doesn't make you happy due to his erratic behavior and selfish/irritable side, all the nice things he does occasionally can't really make up for them. If you'd like to give him a little more time, see how things go; try not to yell or blow up at him, which I know you do out of frustration, and see if some quiet 'suggestions' will work better.
If it's meant to be, you'll know it. If it's not meant to be, you'll leave the relationship and find someone who will appreciate you for the person that you are.
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you