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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I am 52 and straight. I just learned my husband of 2 years

Customer Question

I am 52 and straight. I just learned my husband of 2 years has strong gay tendencies,but because of religious has refrained from acting on them. He goes back and forth about staying married but when it comes down to it-never wants to lose me.   He likes sex with me but must take viagra but also has prostate problems. What do you feeel his need for me is? He does want help
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.
Hi there,

        Welcome to Just Answer !

        Well, from your post , i am certain of two things atleast , first that you are a very kindhearted and understanding person, and second, you love your husband a lot. I am made to realize this , simply because , after two years of marriage you got to know , about this truth of your husband being gay / or bisexual ( as he enjoys sex with you as well , which should not have been the case if he has been only gay)and , even then , you are sticking around and have not abandoned him, unlike,most other women , who would have felt cheated and betrayed , and would not have been as kind and considerate , like you and would have sought for separaion. So , i am really impressed with your maturity and understanding.

             Now, coming to your question, that is, what does your husband want from you in the relationship. The answer to this , is simple but will be hard for you. As you have mentioned , he had kept this secret in the closet , all these years due to religious constraints and probably he was scared of being labelled and isolated by his community , and this probably led him to lead this secret life. I do not say that he does not love you , but , to me you are a kind of a proof for him to show others that he is straight , which in reality is not true, as you would know.

          Now , the question here is , what is there for you to live in such a relationship, which started on a lie , please do not mind my saying this, but if he has been so strong about his sexual orientation , all these years , then he probably had sought for a good companionship with you , but beyond that i am not sure. Since you love him a lot , and if it does not hurt you that much , him being gay, then you shall continue with this relationship.

                  But, i strongly suggest , both of you should seek marriage Counselling together, as that may act as an eye opener for you as well as for him and i am sure that would solve many problems and your doubts will become much clearer.

I wish you good health.

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-How long has he felt this way?


-Has he acted on his feelings yet?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.