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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21336
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My boyfriend has always been very paranoid about my past relationship

Customer Question

My boyfriend has always been very paranoid about my past relationship with my ex, as he knew how much I used to Lov him. However, I bump into my ex's sister one day and we go for lunch, my ex turns up and decides to join us. I told my boyfriend briefly that my ex turned up, but he has found out my ex had come for lunch too, and he is not peaking to me because of this. I dont know what to do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

It would be helpful if you could clarify some things for me.

How old are you and your boyfriend?

When did you first start seeing him?

Why did you break up with your ex, and when?

Did you bump into your ex's sister by accident, and decide to go for lunch right then, or did you bump into each other and then go for lunch on another day?

How did your boyfriend find out that your ex joined you and his sister for lunch?

You said you already told your boyfriend that your ex 'turned up', but did you not say that he joined you for lunch? Is that the problem that's causing your boyfriend to be angry?

Have you done anything in the past that would have caused your ex to be paranoid or suspicious of your relationship with your ex? For example, have you seen him or spoken to him since you started your new relationship with your boyfriend?

Do you and your boyfriend live separately or together?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

Cher
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again,

I was hoping to get some additional details from you about your situation, but I will send you an answer now, based upon the info you've already provided.

You need to choose a quiet place/quiet moment to speak to your boyfriend and calmly tell him that this lunch was totally unexpected, it was not a 'set-up' and you had nothing to do with your ex being there. You're with HIM now, and he is the only man you care for (love?) and your ex is just that, you 'EX'. Assure him that you are always faithful to him, have no desire to stray, because he gives you everything you need, and you hope you fulfill all HIS needs, also.

Stroke his ego--tell him all the great things you love about him, and how he makes you feel, and ask him to please forget this incident because it was just an unexpected 'fluke' thing, that you did NOT pre-arrange.

I think your ex's sister may be in on this and you should tell her to never do that again, as it caused problems you don't need. She may be happy it caused problems and that was her original intent, to break you up from your current boyfriend, so you can get back together with her brother. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Do what's right for you and makes you most happy!

Tom'w is Valentine's Day, so try to show your boyfriend how much you care, then.

I hope everything works out for you, and please let me know if you would like to discuss this further.

Cher