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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Opinion, please!

Resolved Question:

I was divorced last year. I met a wonderful man with whom I've been w/ for about 13 months.He,too,was recently divorced when we met.About 5 months into our relationship his ex-wife,who is bipolar,told him that one night when he was extremely drunk she came over and they had sex.As a result she became pregnant.His brother with whom he lived didnt see her there that night.My boyfriend said he was very drunk and he didnt remember anything from that night at all.If you knew him it would be utterly out of character.He has always been veryhonest,upfront, and loyal to me.He claims she wanted to pin her pregnancy on him as a last ditch effort to get him back.She had been with several people at the time.He took a DNA swab last week and is forcing her to go with thebaby.I want to believe and I told him I would stand by him no matter what, but a part of me is angry and doubtful.We live together and are otherwise so happy.I dont want to leave if it turns out to be his, but am I crazy to stay?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Rozee,

Welcome back to Just Answer and thank you for trusting me with your question.

Has he ever given you indication that he still wanted to be with her?

That he's ever considered cheating?

What are your ages?

Do either of you have children?

Are you saying it's out of character for him to get drunk? or to do something like this?

Has he ever lied to you? if so, about what?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
It was a bitter divorce for them. He despises her as a person and all that she has pulled in the past year to try to hurt me and our relationship.She is not a very stable person. They have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. I have a 7 year old daughter. He is 29 and I am 36.He likes to drink; its never been a problem and it doesnt interfere with any aspect of our lives, so hin drinking is not out of character, but if all that he told me was true, prior to this happening, his deep appreciation and love for me, then yes it would be out of character if he did this KNOWINGLY with her. I am just so confused because I truly love him and I know he truly loves me, but if this happened, I am not sure how I will react. He INSISTED on the DNA test because he really believes she is lying.The prob is if she is not.....
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Rozee,

The problem is, if the child is his, did he knowingly have sex with her or was he too drunk to remember? You're saying she even admits he was extremely drunk.

At this point, don't stress yourself out over something you cannot change. If the DNA test proves he is the father, then he is the father. Perhaps he made a mistake and maybe he was drunk, but the ultimate question is whether or not you can truly forgive him. If the child is his, you've already said you will stay. Sometimes in life things happen, and it's not the things that make us who we are, it's how we choose to deal with them.

Let say he is a good man, he loves you, you love him, Could you forgive him if he cheated without being drunk?

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