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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1701
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I am 34 years old(now) and have been in a committed relationship

Customer Question

I am 34 years old(now) and have been in a committed relationship with a 29 year old(now) for 2 years. We're both divorcees. He was unhappy in his marriage when we met and I was unhappy again w/a boyfriend. We started over together. It has been a very long road with many instances of him hurting me. I unfortunately have a pattern, my husband was a nonworking abusive drunk, my next boyfriend was a sexual deviate and got me into things I don't even want to mention. When I met this man that all changed for a while and I felt pretty good about myself and us. He did help me heal after 12 years of hell. Just so you know I seem more lost than I really am. I was a stock broker and now run his business with him. He finally told me that he does not love me the same way I love him and he's loved differently before. My finances and kids are tied up in this and I'm sick of startin over w/ zero. He's said he needs me right now and if I stay I can leave later with $ n his bessing if i help him make $$
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Do you need legal advice, relationship advice or both?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Just relationship.I have no legal standing other than his word and everything is in his name except the house, everything in it and my car. What I have learned from him about business I get to keep so I really have no problem with building his business taking seed $$ to start my own.

This man cares for me just not enough to treat me like a woman he loves. We have a great friendship and working relationship so much that we don't want to lose it and since we both went into this with open minds splitting is financially and emotionally devestating for both of us right now. I love my partner and best friend but can't stand my boyfriend if that makes sense.

I'm good to him, never cheated and work my a$$ off. I realized 3 mos ago that if he didn't marry me then he never would. Now it's not a question. I don't even want to marry him now unless that's God's bigger picture for me. I can stay in this and live comfortably until God tells me to move. I have a 5 year old, 9 year old and haven't worked an outside job in 2 years. I enjoy my lifestyle but once we have met our goals for this business I am looking forward to leaving. My question is, sadly somewhere I still hope he will suddenly love me and I can't figure out what's wrong with me that he doesn't. In this case at least finally I can live decently and not wonder when he's going to disappear for days or mess around with a stripper. I guess I just wish I knew how to let go and and stop loving someone who can't love me back and just wait out this ecomony and for my kids to get a little older(he's great with them by the way.) Basically we are interdependent right now which is another way to say we are using each other. I just want to know how to let that be enough without hating him or myself. This a cold practical decision but really, he needs me right now and its a cold world out here for a 30+ single woman with 2 young kids, no job and no money of her own. I have done it before and have no desire to walk in those shoes again. This time I want to leave and be ok, not leave and be scr**ed. I think I have answered my own question as to is this the right thing to do or not but should I do it thinking in the back of my head he will come around or do I do it knowing he won't and stop caring as long as the bills are paid and I'm learning how to build a business? I know this is so long and I appreciate your taking the time to read it.