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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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I have family friend we have very healthy relationship. We

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I have family friend we have very healthy relationship. We are two families but we live like one. Today I got a shaking mail from his wife that she wants friendship with me. The mail was very emotional and I thought she was just joking so I lust laugh at it and replied as “Good Joke”. But it turn out she was not, I started convincing her we are already friends what else she wants she is going to mess our friendship. All she wants “yes” or “No”. and she wants to keep it secret. I ask her if she is going through any marriage problem, She kept on saying she loves her husband, he is her best friend, they are married for 7 years, but she wants a friend with whom she can share anything and she found that in me. My dilemma is if I say “YES” I feel like I am cheating both family. If I say NO I am losing a friend, I know her for more than 3 years she is very family oriented, knowing her I never thought in my dreams she will do such thing. any idea to save the family relation and not hert her.

John Dale 1972,


You have to wonder what kind of friend would put you in that situation if they truly cared about you. A true friend would never do that not to mention to her family whom she claims to love and cherish. If your friendship with her family and her husband mean anything to you, you will tell her no and that you don't want to lose the friendship but you cannot betray your friend like that and have a clear conscience. Tell her that you are flattered but you just cannot do that to her husband and she shouldn't do anything to jeopardize her family life. I'm sure if she thinks about it she will realize you are right and if she is any kind of friend she will not be mad at you for having the best interest of her family at heart, she might be a little upset at first but with time she will realized how right you really were. I would keep the emails though just in case you need proof if she tries to break up your friendship with her husband by putting it all on you. I really don't think you would be hurting her by telling her no, you will be actually saving her marriage and your friendship. Friendship is about trust, loyalty, honesty and respect, respect yourself and your friendship with her husband and tell her no.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Kim,


You are right, I can not loose her husband's friendship on her madness. As I mention I know this family for more then three year, and we are very close. is it possible she is in some kind of mental problem or going throught rought time. is it wise to talk throught her and her husband.




John Dale 1972,


All you can do is be a friend if she is going through a tough time then maybe you should talk her into seeking some help like therapy or counseling. She may be going through a depression or not quite feeling appreciated, with everyday dealings with family and work she may be feeling a bit lonely that is a problem she has to work out with her husband all you can do is be there as a friend.

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Kim,


I am glad I posted this question.

I don't know in what words I tell her but definitely "NO" is the answer.



John Dale 1972,


Just tell her that you are very flattered but you cannot do that to your friend and you in order to be loyal to both her and her husbands friendship are going to have to decline her request, that is the most polite way to say no without outright saying "NO".

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