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i am in love with my bpyfriend. we dated for a year, broke

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up for 3 months, and...
i am in love with my bpyfriend. we dated for a year, broke up for 3 months, and have been dating for 6 months again. he suffers from depression & i have communication issues. lately he is not interested in sex and i am feeling insecure about the direction the relationship is going. i love him dearly and want things to work out but i am very unhappy. my pride tells me that i deserve better, but for some reason i can't walk away. what do i do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 10 hours by:
1/22/2009
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Have you talked to him about this?

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
i am 31 and he is 34. we have talked extensively about things. it seems that there is a void in our reltions. it feels regular and not exciting. when we first got back together ut was very exciting and i really saw some progress. we started looking at apartments together, thinking about getting a dog, etc. little things happened that made the relationship seem to back pedal.

his complaints about me are that im reserved, that a little extra enthusiasm comes out when im around others. that im not vocal enough during intercourse. lately he doesnt want to have sex at all.

he feels that we may not be compatible and hes not happy. i admit i am not happy either. i feel like he complains too much etc
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

 

When we get into a relationship we tend to think now we have them we don't have to try anymore and that couldn't be further from the truth. You get stuck in a rut and feel like you are just going through the motions of everyday living and being. What you are going to have to do is do the things that attracted him to you even if it means changing the way you look if you like to dress comfortable like sweat, jeans or average clothes pick two days out of the week to dress sexy for him whether it be lingerie or a tight fitting top and jeans or high heels. He will appreciate you making the effort, he will take the time to notice little things and compliment you on how you look. Tell him how much you appreciate it when they do something that is normally taken for granted, like cooking a meal or even taking out the trash. A kind word goes a long way to rekindle a relationship.

 

Pick several days out of the week to have date night were you go to dinner or a movie or do something that was special to you both when you first met this will make him realize why he fell in love with you in the first place. Just because your relationship has lost its passion doesn't mean it's over. All you both have to do is try a little harder for each other as long as you still love each other; it is possible to bring back the passion. Exhaust every avenue before you decide to call it quits and then if it doesn't work you will both know that you tried everything to make the relationship work.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
i work in the fashion industry so i'm always dressed up. i only wear nice lingerie, always have my makeup done nicely and smell great. i invite him over for dinner. i cook. we go out to art exhibits, restaurants, the movies, and a variety of other special events.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

 

When you do do these things how does evening end, does it end with you both going to sleep or do normally have intimacy? If your answer to that question is no you don't end up having intimacy then that is what you have to spice up! Try to talk more during it if that is what he wants. Do not be afraid to try out new things. You and your partner should always be adventurous enough to try out new sexual techniques, positions or locations so as to spice things up. A lot of couples are just too lazy to try new things and things just get boring. Do not be afraid to try things out as you will definitely benefit from your adventurous spirit. Now it is up to you whether you want to spend that little extra effort to spice things up and bring back the passion once again into your relationship, one of the biggest mistakes that couples make is being afraid of trying out new things. Buy a book on how to spice of your love life with a mate they can give you a lot of tips on how to please your man and try new things and possibly how to talk more during intimacy. Just make sure you try before giving up it's so much easier to just give up instead of trying everything to make the relationship work. Think about what it was that made him come back to you and go back to that.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
what do i do about his depression spilling into the relationship? i'm also concerned that i dont feel things progressing.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

He is going to have to tell his doctor about it if he hasn't already and they will have to put him on medication if need be. Some counseling may help him also to have someone to talk to that isn't involved in the relationship they have ideas and can tell him how to work his way through his depression without it affecting his relationship.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
he sees a therapist. i asked him if he ever considered medication but he says he doesnt need it. i think he does.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

Then you can't really do anything until he is willing to try medication along with the therapy.

KimberlyF
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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