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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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i recently found out my wife has been having an on going afair

Resolved Question:

i recently found out my wife has been having an on going afair at work how do i confront her with this without the fear of her leaving ad never talking to me again
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-How long have you been married?


-How long has she been having the affair?


-Do you have concrete proof that she has cheated?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If you do not have concrete proof then there is no reason to confront her because without proof she will only deny it and say it's all in your mind but if you do have proof then you have to be careful how you confront your wife if you don't want her to leave you and be angry with you. Confronting a cheating spouse is an all or nothing deal. Once those words are out of your mouth, there is no going back. You need to be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt. In order to do that, you need to have overwhelming evidence that she cheated and with someone from work. There are many things that can happen when you accuse her of cheating and present her with your proof she can deny it, be anger that you are accusing her, sad or disbelieve that you found out about it.


It's very important that you maintain your composure and be strong after you confront your spouse and let them know that you know about the affair. Once exposed, she will try to turn the tables and make it look like you are the one with the problem. A well thought out plan could backfire and make you look like a jealous husband, it is best to say what you have to say, state the facts, and don't listen to any excuses. Don't divulge all your evidence during the confrontation and don't let her know exactly how much you know, or how you got your proof, keep her guessing as to how you possibly could find out anything about the affair. Should you decide to forgive your spouse and stay together, you will want to keep those techniques secret as a future fall back. If she knows how you got your info, she will know what not to do if she decides cheat again.


Once you decide to forgive her for her indiscretions and stay together then that day on you have to keep it in the past and work on your relationship if you don't think you can do that then you aren't ready to forgive yet. If you decide to stay together and don't leave it in the past then it will always come up in arguments and you won't be able to let it go. Marriage counseling may help also, even though you did nothing it may be crucial to the healing of your relationship and the marriage.

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