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How do I help my husband understand that he lets his son control him

Two years ago I move...
Two years ago I move 1150 miles away from home to marry a man with a teenage son. He had already planned to moved my way and had an excellent paying job, and I had a great job too. However, his son threw a fit and refused to move. So my husband is giving his son his way. Here my husband's work is scarce, and my credentials are not recognized by this state, so I am having a problem finding employment. My husband travels out of state to work and I'm stuck supervising the spoiled teenager. Our financial condition is severe, and my husband will not stand up to his son.
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
1/17/2009
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How did you meet?

 

-How long have you been married?

 

-Do you and the son get along?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

husbands 47 his son is 17 a Christian website, married 2 yrs.

 

I get along with the son as long as I don't cross him. The son tattles and becomes passive agreesive or rages if he is told no about anything

 

Initially my husband was going to move where I lived because he had secured many work contacts there. I also had a good job, but the son threatened to kill himself if he had to move, so the dad decided not to move. So I moved instead.

 

The boy constantly manipulates the dad. The dad is defensive and protective rather than expecting his son to grow up and be responsible.

 

We bearly make it financially here. There is not enough work. But the dad refuses to stand up to his son, so that we can move to a larger community wher there are work opportunities for both of us.

 

Instead he travels out of state to try and kkeep some of the contracts that he had. And I stay here because the boy needs supervision.

 

 

Customer

 

There has to be some kind of compromise made or else the both of you stand to lose everything financially with the economy the way it is today there isn't much room to make mistake as far as decision making about the finances and how you are going to stay above water financially. Also if the son knows that his father is going to give in he will continue to test the boundaries and how much he can get away with. I don't think the son would have really killed himself but the father didn't want to take that chance which is understandable but there is a point where we try to be our children's friends and not the parent and it seem his father wants to be his friend and not the parent. He is at the age where he doesn't want to be controlled by anyone not his father or you or any other authority, he thinks he is an adult but yet doesn't act like one.

 

When adults remarry during the time their kids are teens, they shouldn't expect a lot of bonding and attaching between generations because children this age just don't have it in them. He is breaking away from parental control. He should be preparing to separate and establish their independence, but instead he continues to depend on his father because he is allowed to behave this way. Your husband has to want to make him be accountable for his actions and the things that he says. On a positive note, teens can often confide more in stepparents than they can with their biological parents during their vulnerable teen years. Maybe if you talk to the son and tell him the perks you could have if both parents have more of an income coming in and the opportunities you have in the town you are from.

 

Tell him how you are struggling staying where you are and that it would benefit everyone if you moved to a big town with more opportunities but his father has to get a backbone and know when his son his trying to be manipulative or being serious children usually say that they will kill themselves but don't really mean it or have the guts to do so. Try to become his friend and the person he confides in and when you have done this then tell him how you are struggle and that you think it's important for everyone to move some where that you both can provide a stable household financially. You and your husband have to be on the same page at all time if a child see that they can cause a riff in a marriage they will do so but if they see a united front they would be more likely not to do so.

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
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